Gordie #15: closing the cake shop

[AndrewP]

Good Moring Gordie - For me, I found that having a physical outlet for anger was unhelpful. It would just get me more wound up. Instead I used what I believe are "mindfulness" techniques. I'd accept the fact that I was angry and that it was an emotion. It didn't define me, but was something that was contained within me. Then I'd write here, talk to friends, be validated in that it was perfectly reasonable that I was angry and then allow it to "drain" away. Staring into the face of the beast and naming it diminished it. Psyco-babble nonsense perhaps but it worked for me.

It's much different in my case especially in the last year or so because I had no tangible outlet for my anger. She's not here rubbing my face in things. You deserve a special place in the world for your forbearance.

You do still seem to be having some focus on OM2 which is perfectly reasonable but also problematic. I think that everyone including your W will admit that he's not in any way up to the quality and calibre that you are. It's trite perhaps to say this but he is a symptom, not a cause. I think that you know that if it wasn't OM2, it would be a similar OM3/4 etc. There is always a supply of men out there that I would call names that Job would edit out who are looking for an easy lay and someone who will pay the bills and are willing to pretend to be loving and caring for as long as the honey is flowing.

So - don't compare yourself to OM2. It's not that she's choosing him over you, it's that - and if you think back to the very beginning of your problems - she's choosing "not you" as sad as may make you. In typical branch-swinging fashion though, she doesn't want to let go of you until she has a safe place to land and unlike my STBX who found a well off business-man, she is farther down the evolutionary ladder. In both our cases, it was very likely inevitable that they would leave at some time to chase their elusive and selfish "happiness".

You have a lot to be proud of Gordie. You are modeling to your children and to the people who are following along on your story how a MAN conducts himself. With dignity, love, compassion but firm morals and boundaries.