Gordie #15: closing the cake shop

[Sotto]

Hi Gordie, I am sorry you have been having such a rough time. The holidays to tend to magnify things and add pressure to already difficult situations.

Vapo, to be fair, I think Gordie has said something along those lines to his W when she has tried to initiate intimacy before..

Gordie, I think Vapo is giving some good advice about anger. Find non-damaging ways to release it. Don't let loose at your W or kids or pets - but it is pure energy that needs to be released somehow and find a way to do that.

I used to primal scream alone in the car sometimes. I would also put a pillow on the bed and go at it with a rolled up newspaper. Use a punching bag or run as fast as you can and just get the energy out.

What I want you to think about is fully accepting this situation just as it is and also not seeing yourself as a victim in all of this (bear with me here...)

Your W is making some choices here. I don't agree with them, and nor may others, but that is what it is and any amount of persuading, cajoling or whatever won't change that - until or unless she chooses to change.

As for you, you have chosen to try and stick this out. You also have free will and are free to walk or stay each and every day. You can choose tomorrow to go and look at a rental and decide you won't live like this any more - it's always up to you my friend.

I do think, given your level of distress and anger, that removing yourself may be seriously worth considering in the new year. But it's always your choice of course.

So, I guess what I am talking about is personal power and - given all present circumstances - reclaiming that and recognising that you are not powerless in this situation. You have plenty of choices and you can choose to exercise those at any given point. Yes there are always consequences and life unfolds in karmic ways linked to our earlier choices. How constructive or destructive they were..

Hope this helps anyway Gordie & I hope you are feeling more settled soon xx