Wife wont admit to affair and its driving me nuts!

[LH19]

Only hiccup was when I texted W later that day saying that she could hang out anytime, we are still family.

So far NC and doing ok. W collecting them in a few hours when I go to work.

I'm at the start of NC, going dark, detaching so still figuring it out.

I believe you have a different interpretation of what NC means. I am also guessing you have a different interpretation of detachment. What does detachment mean to you?

[Morbo]

Thanks, Joseph, thats what I'm thinking too, go the high road.

I'll keep with the NC, its actually easier than I thought especially now that I dont believe a word she says and have lost a lot of respect for her. Her loss..

[Morbo]

Hi LH19, I shouldnt have messaged her, it was a mistake.
A moment of weakness

I'm reading up on detachment and trying to go NC as best I can.
I'm not sure if I'm getting it right but I'll keep trying.
I'm following Sandi's rules too etc

[TBSakaJ9]

Imo snark is also passive aggressive which is not a good trait, iF you got something to say just say it and own it. With that said making comments about her behavior, actions, etc. Is not detaching. It's a way of trying to maintain control.

[joejoe1]

Don't give a fuch!!!!!!! You are better than being passive aggressive. Saying those snarky remarks are a weak trait. A strong trait is don't dont care or accept what your W is doing. Act "as if". No more caring about OM. Its hard but its one step to making you stronger more attractive, and becoming a person only a fool would leave.

[Morbo]

Thanks for all tge great replies, just what i needed.

Good interaction with W today. No snarkiness, stayed cool, pleasant but distant . She was asking a lot about I was doing but I didn't really ask her much.

I'm reading up on detaching, NC etc and I may be getting a handle on this finally..She IS crazy leaving this guy go! Lol

[sandi2]

She was asking a lot about I was doing but I didn't really ask her much.

Good for you! Don't show any interest in her private life.

The more you GAL, the more questions she'll probably ask. Just continue to give vague answers. When you can take the position of an observer, it can become humorous watching her fish around for news about your life (what you are doing, and who you are doing it with).

When she tries to guilt you, or any other form of manipulation......you will know when you are really growing b/c it no longer works to whip you into doing whatever she wants. She cannot make you feel guilty, unless you agree to feel it.

I'm glad the holiday went well. Now that it's passed, prepare to see her being colder.....at least for awhile. WW's usually do this to prevent the H from getting any ideas that the MR still has hope. She put on a good front during Christmas celebrations, b/c she wanted to feel the traditional family togetherness, but now that it's over.....it back to the same old stuff.

These words are not meant to discourage, but to help you prepare. So, saddle up again and go about business as usual. You are going to not only survive, but come through being better than you were. ((hugs))

[Morbo]

Thank you Sandi. This forum has been great. I wish I could have been here earlier but I doubt if it would have changed the outcome of anything.

Also, I have been reading on detachment and have been reading your threads on LBH with Wayward wife and they are so real to me. Its incredible the similarities to my situation. Your reflections at the end, I must read 10 times!

The last 3 weeks have been hard as I have finally come out of denial about my W's more than likely affair.
My anger is subsiding too as is the need to absolutely have 100% proof. I'm at the point where I dont care and OM can have her.
I have been looking back too and I see all my W's flaws and how she drove me away from people. Her depression and negativity were bad for me and kids and I took on all her anger and resentment.I was the punching bag. It made me not really love her or want to be around her. I also dont think much of her new friends and I'm a good judge of character..
We drank way too much together too, towards the end it was like 2-3 bottles of vodka a week. That never ended well.
She is such an unhappy person and doesnt like herself much at all I see although I always tried to encourage her. Only so much I could do.
She has a long road ahead...


Yeah, she was cold today when I met her to collect kids this morning. Seems to be back to normal, hating and trying to guilt me. I dont care though. I'm just thinking of my kids and all the plans in my head I'm making. Did huge amounts of practice today, exercised, getting ready to record a new album and getting tour dates to play Ireland and UK in the summer and bring my girls with me. Its exciting, I havent really been thinking about ME for a while.

[Vanilla]

Just a quick comment

There is a difference between snark and truth darts.

Truth darts are statements made from a place of detachment. They go to the heart of the matter.

Here is one example, during my D hearing I stated the G had committed adultery. The G responded we had separated so it wasn't adultery. The judge stated that adultery was having sex before you were D and he certainly had commited adultery!

Another you gambled £820k, response by the G 'that was My money'. Response by the judge 'no such thing you squandered marital assets!'

Truth darts get to the heart of it.

Snark just gets ignored.

V

[Subitai]

Another you gambled £820k, response by the G 'that was My money'. Response by the judge 'no such thing you squandered marital assets!'
l
V

W....T.....F......