Had a nice Christmas overall. Early in the morning (5am?) I heard my W enter the MBR but then leave. Just before 9am we were all in the living room and exchanged gifts. A nice morning. I did learn from D11 that my W had gone into her bed and woke her up. It seems my W was cold in the guest room (has no heat) and was looking for a bed to go into, but I was taking up the entire bed so she went into my youngest's bed.
For Christmas we had 11 guests come. We sat outside drinking wine and eating appetizers and then had a nice dinner.
A few observations of my W and our relationship.
My W had planned that all of us would go to one of her friend's house only 5 minutes away for dessert. My W's motivation was twofold, she is trying to develop a friendship and also I believe the OM that she had a one-sided EA would be there. When she first told me of this plan two days ago, I had told her I didn't want to be rushed to make another place for dessert. I realized there was some passive-aggressiveness on my part, so on Christmas I told my W that I didn't really want to go to the other place for dessert, and if any of our guests wanted to stay here then I would stay with them and not go. When I told my W she was at the sink with her back to me, and I could see she made a contemptuous face. Anyway, the plans never came to fruition and I'm not sure why, but we stayed at my house for the entire evening.
I have been detaching and following Sandi's rules for a month now. In the beginning after BD, my W was extremely friendly, touched me, kissed me goodbye, hello, etc. I interpret this as my W feeling guilty for the BD and trying to lessen the blow. As time has gone on, all of these behaviors have ceased. In my case, detaching and following Sandi's rules has probably also demonstrated to my W that she would be OK without me.
Frankly, I think my MR is over and my W is not going to miraculously wake up and want to do anything to build a good MR. I think my W is happy not being in a R with a man, and having many friends with which her needs are met. My W was asking a neighbor and real estate agent about a guest cottage in our backyard. I am mind-reading, but I guess she has this idea of one of us living in the guest house so as to not disrupt our children's lives.
