Hey man no worries........it sounds like your getting to a good place....detaching is a constant work in progress. Just keep doing you and the rest will fall into place as it should.
W is being nice but nothing more, we are preparing for xmas and I believe its just a show for the family. She does want to exchange gifts which I find really odd being that she wants a D. I also gave her money for our childrens gifts, they all want money. This is the first year she contributed towards their gifts.
GAL I went to to "The Last Jedi" and it was kind of weird sitting there by myself but as the movie started I felt more at ease. No comments on the movie itself as I would not want to give away the plot.
I joined a running club, it is the biggest one in our area and it also does volunteer work for charities. You can also voluteer at races and then gain credit towards entrance fees for upcoming races.
So recent thoughts about after BD, W started to intiate arguements with me claiming things that were not true, such as me hiding her car keys. At the time I just denied it but she kept pushing the topic saying that I was doing it on purpose, I never touched her keys.
Another situation was when I was having a convo with D23 telling her that I never really spank her (non of my kids were hit) but W now claims that she protected kids from me. It was nice to here D23 say that was not true.
W started saying right after BD that she wishes I would start to act normal again, I was doing everything I could to act normal but she saw me as an insecure doormat. I was doing all the wrong things, housework, fixing things etc etc. She also said that I felt like a stranger to her. Maybe b/c she has a new love interest, IDK.
Some weird realations, a few months ago if I bought some food W would not touch it, now she will. If I make dinner she will eat it this is a change.
I really need help in dealing with this as the months go by I am having the feeling that I want to move on. This struggle is weird that any of us would want to stay with someone who really at this point wants nothing to do with us.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
You really need to act nonchalant when she makes stupid accusations. The more you show how it bothers you, and the more you try explaining or defending yourself.......the longer she'll use this technique to dig at your spirit. If she sees she can't affect you, then she'll give up.
Stop trying to convince her that's she wrong. Just shrug your sholders as if to say, "Whatever". If she tries to pull you into an argument, tell her she can think whatever she wants. Do not argue about it.
When a H starts trying to defend the M to his own W, it's easy to fall into her traps and become defensive about himself. That type of reaction makes him appear weak. He knows the truth about himself, so why should he debate with her? She is wayward and will choose to think negative things about him. It does not change the truth. It's just her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Christmas went well, we were responsible for dessert and of course we brought way too much. We were at inlaws and no one suspects there is anything wrong and wife acted pleasant towards me through out. We took two cars as would would not fit in one and when I decided I was leaving all the kids came home with me. I did not ask them to come but they wanted to.
W and I exchanged gifts and she really like what I got her and it was the first year in a long time my D's didnt help me pick something out. It was nice to see my W happy while the kids opened their gifts and I felt like a family again for the first time in a while.
I cannot help but feeling like the path to R maybe be eroding as the days go on. The feeling of being with someone for 26 years and not being able to have physical touch is perhaps the most difficult thing to deal with, early on I was questioning myself as to was I good enough. I now realize this is not about me, my W will have some real issues to deal with in the near future.
I am getting ready to go to the gym and tonight going out to dinner with S21 and D18 with my parents.
BTW, my entire inlaw family absolutely loves having me and I often get invites to their houses for parties, even if my W is working.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
W and I exchanged gifts and she really like what I got her and it was the first year in a long time my D's didnt help me pick something out. It was nice to see my W happy while the kids opened their gifts and I felt like a family again for the first time in a while.
Nice, glad you enjoyed Christmas. Is one of her love languages receiving gifts?
Originally Posted By: bhappy2
cannot help but feeling like the path to R maybe be eroding as the days go on. The feeling of being with someone for 26 years and not being able to have physical touch is perhaps the most difficult thing to deal with, early on I was questioning myself as to was I good enough.
Ditto for me too. I also have 26 years with my W and I remind myself that having spent 26 years being physically intimate, to suddenly stop is a shock to the system.
Originally Posted By: bhappy2
I am getting ready to go to the gym and tonight going out to dinner with S21 and D18 with my parents.
W and I exchanged gifts and she really like what I got her and it was the first year in a long time my D's didnt help me pick something out. It was nice to see my W happy while the kids opened their gifts and I felt like a family again for the first time in a while.
Nice, glad you enjoyed Christmas. Is one of her love languages receiving gifts?
Yes, but also being all together.
Originally Posted By: bhappy2
cannot help but feeling like the path to R maybe be eroding as the days go on. The feeling of being with someone for 26 years and not being able to have physical touch is perhaps the most difficult thing to deal with, early on I was questioning myself as to was I good enough.
Ditto for me too. I also have 26 years with my W and I remind myself that having spent 26 years being physically intimate, to suddenly stop is a shock to the system.
Kids are starting to ask me to ask her to go on a date, I just cannot do it right now and I am really considering filing within the next month.
Originally Posted By: bhappy2
I am getting ready to go to the gym and tonight going out to dinner with S21 and D18 with my parents.
Good. Enjoy your time with kids.
Thanks Fast, love hanging with my family and it used to be awesome when the W was involved.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
I cannot help but feeling like the path to R maybe be eroding as the days go on.
I think that is common but only you know when it is time to give up and throw in the towel. You can hold on to hope as long as you wish.
Just keeping working on yourself your W will never want to come back to a R with you if you have not gone through some personal growth. Hopefully over time she will notice the changes, those changes will cause her to start respecting you again, then her walls start to drop and then you can potentially move forward in a new relationship.
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The feeling of being with someone for 26 years and not being able to have physical touch is perhaps the most difficult thing to deal with, early on I was questioning myself as to was I good enough.
Just keep working on your confidence. IMO taking pride in your personal appearance is huge step in the right direction. Lose weight, get jacked, new clothes, new hair style, body lotion, cologne, etc.
Once you start feeling confident your need for personal touch should decrease because you won't need it to feel good about yourself. I got a small hug from W yesterday, the first time in months, and I really felt nothing.
You are good enough, don't ever doubt yourself. The problem with most men is that we put our W's in a position of being our sole source of validation and her opinion was the only one that mattered. If she didn't give us a gold star for the day we felt bad. You are good enough and you don't need your W's validation to make you feel that way. Man in the mirror......do you like what you see?
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I am getting ready to go to the gym and tonight going out to dinner with S21 and D18 with my parents.
