still struggling

[Jim1234]

This divorce has been a catalyst for introspection, and this board has helped me realize how important a sense of safety and security is to a woman, emotional, physical, financial, marital..... I realize that there have been any number of ways I have violated that sense of security.

I saw W today, had a quiet moment, and apologized for repeatedly letting her down in this area. I think she immediately got defensive, mentioning that I've apologized for these things before. I told her that yes, I have (for being disrespectful, for projecting my wants and needs onto her without understanding they weren't her wants and needs, therefore failing to meet her wants and needs), and as time goes by, I'm realizing just how far I fell short. I think she was expecting me to ask her to reconsider reconciliation, but I just said goodbye. I think the whole conversation kind of caught her by surprise. I'm pretty sure she was expecting some sort of pressure from me, and I'm pretty sure I didn't put any pressure on her, so that was good.

Also, and this is important, I wasn't expecting anything to come from this conversation. I felt I owed her an apology for a past wrong, and I gave it. I asked for nothing, expected nothing, got nothing, and frankly, don't care. I think that's progress.