Gordie #14: the end of my M to MLC W, I think

[Gordie]

Job, butterfly, Leah sue, Cali, Andrew, and ownit,

Thank you all for the well wishes. I wish I could give you all a big Christmas hug and shower you with gifts for in thanks for all you have given me.

Cali—thank you for that vision from a Christmas future. I do look forward to a better future at some point and accept that this will play out at its own pace.

Journaling:

We are playing family, some might say I have reopened the cake shop for Christmas. Family Christmas traditions, going to church together, etc. I don’t want to spoil Christmas for the kids.

Biggest change is teen d has found out more about what really happened and OM2 (not sure how) and doesn’t want to play family. She is no longer talking to stbx. I have talked to her a and let her cry in my arms. Stbx has asked me what she can do to comfort her and I just said I don’t know.

Have been busying myself out of the house with the kids and preparing for Christmas. I am going to see my extended family out of town after Christmas with the kids and without stbx. In the back of my mind I know this will just give her time with OM2 but there’s nothing I can do about that.

I am not expecting any presents this year so decided to do what I never do: I bought some presents for myself! I bought some new, flashier duds and have been getting lots of compliments. Honestly, I am not used to drawing attention to myself so this too is different and a little uncomfortable, but it’s also fun!

I have not made any decisions about what to do next. I am taking one day at a time. On the legal front, Ls are on vacation so nothing is going to happen until January.

I have been tempted to have R talk with stbx and ask: last time we spoke, you said you were undecided on what you want to do; have you decided? I have resisted the temptation because I know she is still in contact with OM2 even if it is less in my face than it was.

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Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate!