Merry Christmas! I know that this Christmas will be difficult for you w/your aged pa not there. But, he's there in your heart and he will always be there when you need him the most. He's looking down on you and smiling and thinking what a wonderful daughter he has.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
