In the eyes of most courts, "coaching" is a huge no-no and is seen as parent alienation. It's often the fastest route to losing the kids. They often have a very low tolerance for that stuff. I would strongly suggest you keep a notebook log of any of these things and let your attorney know about it. If you do end up in court and they find out W is trying to alienate the kids it will go very badly for her. It's very damaging to the kids as well. If that's not enough, as the children grow up, they figure out they were lied to and forced away from a patent which in turns has them pull away from the alienating patent. She's got a lot of growing up to do.
I'm keeping notes. When I'm at a low point, I feel like it won't matter, she'll just deny everything. I've focused on my D, done everything right by her as far as I can tell, and she's done everything wrong by her, and sometimes I just feel like the courts won't care. No real reason to feel that way, I just do.
I mentioned giving XW some extra time on Wednesday. At pickup, XMIL asked if I had plans Christmas Eve, because she wanted to bring D to her family get together. I confirmed we had plans, XMIL seemed ok with it. XW has been talking about it with D, and keeps stopping herself from saying "we can't go because of daddy" (as in stops mid sentence) but keeps telling her "oh, we'll go on Christmas Day."
So tonight I get a facebook message from XW's aunt (XMIL's sister). I used to work with her, she was a friend years before I ever met XW. Message asks me to bring D to her house tomorrow night so they can see her open the presents they got for her. I respond that XW told me she was bringing her by on Christmas Day after I drop her off. I don't get a response to this.
About 45 minutes later, I get a text from XW saying XMIL wants to know if I will take D to aunt's for a few minutes tomorrow night so she can get presents. I don't even begin to know how to answer this. I feel like there's no good choice here. If I take D, it's more disruption for her and I've already said no. If I don't take D, I get to be the topic of conversation about what an a$$hole I am for "keeping D away from her family." I decide to think about it before answering and do some meal prep for tomorrow.
While talking to her mom, D walks into my bedroom and tells me "mommy says she sent you a text."
Text says, "ignoring D's family on Christmas with pleas to answer is not ok, you're doing wrong by her! They want you to bring her by."
I answer that I wasn't ignoring anyone, I was busy and was planning to respond when I was able. Said I didn't want D to have a repeat of the crying fit she had at pickup the other night, she didn't need that on Christmas eve, and that I was sorry she wouldn't be able to see them.
XW says "it would be different if you have family here" (my mom is visiting, but I guess she doesn't count as family) and that D does, and I'm keeping her from them, and that "sorry she didn't want to go home with you on Wednesday, but that's no reason to keep her from her family."
I can't stand this woman. I HATE that I keep being put in no win situations. I HATE that D won't see her extended family tomorrow. I want to tell XW to look in the ****ing mirror if she wants to see why D isn't going to see her family, that what the hell did she think "divorce" meant? I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY expected to give up holiday time, always on short notice, to fit XW's whims, and go hang any plans that I've made.
Sorry for whining. And I AM whining. I keep wanting to be the nice guy and make everyone happy. I'm tired of being treated like I don't matter. I feel like I've spent the last year under constant stress and I just don't want to put up with it anymore.
