Job, thank you for the birthday wishes for D! She had a fab time and was very spoiled!
As for changing tactic with H, I think I have just naturally come to that point where I really don't have the energy to play games anymore or pander to him. It is a very strange feeling. Although it frightens me it is also slightly freeing!
Thank you so much for all your wise and comforting words this last year Job. I wish you a very happy Christmas and blessings for a prosperous New Year!
bttrfly, I think it definitely is confusing him and I also noticed today that I didn't have that feeling of anxiety and what I imagine to H to be puppy dog longing eyes when I look at him!!
I have stopped posting as much because I felt it was giving me even more feelings of anxiety when things were put down in words so I just needed to step back a bit to make myself stronger. I still read how you are all getting on and every now and again provide an update.
Further update: H came and picked D up this morning. Again I stayed in the kitchen and made D answer the door. He came and found me finishing off decorating the Christmas cake. Neither of us made any attempt to do the usual greeting of a kiss and I must admit he looked slightly hungover/tired!
When they came back he came in to the house and I offered him a cup of tea and mince pie again. Friendly neighbour is what I kept thinking! He came and sat down whilst D opened the new designer handbag she had swapped her watch for and he was very chatty and relaxed asking me lots of questions. When he got up to leave he asked me when i was going to see my sister and I just said on Christmas Day so he said that maybe he would pop over Christmas morning. I just said okay and then straight away he said that maybe he could come over Christmas Eve (see where this is going???) but I just said we were out. I don't know when he is coming over now but he said he will leave the gifts in the porch if we are out.
Phew, I said as little as possible during that interaction and didn't break and ask him to come over and stay Christmas Eve, I am very proud of myself! Also afterwards I don't feel any remorse or feel the need to get straight on the text and try and arrange something. I did ask D if she wanted to see him Christmas morning I could arrange it and she said she really wasn't bothered. So we are all good!!
My baby steps have turned into baby steps back to being me again starting in 2018!!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
