Dear friends who most likely saved me, at least my sanity, the entire year of 2017.....

I want to say THANK YOU, and to wish each one a very Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Whatever you celebrate this time of year/ and to say that I honestly would not be where I am tonight had I not brokenly stumbled onto this site one year ago.

My DB anniversary is coming up Dec. 26, and since about July, I have been planning to do what I'm going to call an "underground Christmas" this year. I've talked with family about it, gotten their blessings (mostly), made promises to stay safe, bought and shipped gifts, and after tomorrow, I will be putting my dog in the car, and heading out of town to a quiet place in the mountains nearby, to spend the holiday alone. I'm not exactly sure of what I want this trip to do, except help me erase the horror of last Christmas/week/New Years, so that going forward, I can begin new memories, with the one from last year fading slowly.

I plan to read, love on my dog, sleep, meditate, listen to good music, drink fine wine, and BE ALONE. To mainly think about how wonderful 2018 is going to be for me.

January will bring the new job, new routines, evidently a new car (since I found out today they will most likely total out my BMW that was involved in my wreck)- one more material loss, but gratitude gained for the lack of injury to me or anyone.

If I have decent wi-fi, I hope to catch up on everyone's stories, and meet some of the new people. But I'll have to be careful too, not to get too bogged down in the sadness of what we've all been through, and rather focus on the year ahead.

Each of you has touched my life in such deep ways, and made footprints on my heart. I pray for joy for us all in the days to come.

M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton