MC (Or DC as she calls it) was a bit of a disaster. All the fails at 180ing came up. *sigh* I did make my case for trying the new parenting approach... and told her I would back off on it until she could think about it.
Since you seem to have a lot of issues that cause you anger and frustration, maybe the physical separation will work in helping you resolve or cope with whatever happened in the past.
My suggestion is to stop focusing on trying to persuade her to stay in the M. In fact, just stop trying to work on a marriage relationship right now. Put your focus and energy in healing yourself. You need help with your self esteem issues. I don't say this in a critical way, b/c my heart goes out to you and how you feel you need to over explain yourself. People who feel judged, criticized, attacked, blamed, etc., will often defend themselves by over explaining.
Don't stop working on the parenting skills. If the MC does not seem to be helping at this time, perhaps getting counseling in how to co-parent would help the most.
One thing I appreciate about your posts is how you aren't soft on yourself. You seem to be honest about your faults. Now, if you can learn how to correct them, it should change a lot of things in your personal life. We could all say the same thing about our own lives, I'm sure. According to what you've written, I can see why your W is frustrated to the gills. If you can learn to communicate about the children more, then later down the road, hopefully, you can share your past. Timing is very important, so I would follow your IC's advice about when you are more prepared to approach it.
Has she ever called the police (or threatened to call) when you got angry? Have you attended anger management, or sought counseling in the past?
Has there ever been any inappropriate behavior with the opposite sex from either of you? Have you ever suspected your W of having an emotional affair? I'm just trying to get a little more about the relationship background.
I sincerely hope your family can get through the holidays without having further incident. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
