You know that my heart breaks for you. This stuff is hard and we cycle. I'm feeling pretty good again so my lapse into petty drama was pretty short-lived. I'm gearing up for the holiday and the guest that D is bringing home from college (just a friend from South America who is displaced from the dorm).
I promise you that when you move out, you will feel better. It will help your detachment and you have lots of time to make your decisions. I personally, in following your story, would rather see you move out than push her divorce (except to the extent you need some financial protection from the spending and traveling that will come--mine is there now). That would give your feelings some time to settle and decide what you want for you.
I'm glad your kids are rebelling. I think it shows strength. I've always loved it when my D is sassy. I see a strong, confident girl, who will stand up to others as she does to me. Your wife's behavior is disgusting. Your older kids see that. You don't need to bad-mouth her, she is taking care of that all by herself and you are just the stable, supportive parent who is there for them in this drama.
