It is very rough and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I am so tired of well everything. I hate walking around in our house knowing that H never wants to step foot in it again.
Journaling
I'm happy to have memories of our life but they feel like lies. I look at pictures of us smiling and looking so happy and then realize that was taken during the time he said he realized he no longer loved me. And what about the ones from 5 years ago, 10 years ago?? Are they all lies too?
All the text messages and emails from that period that were so sweet, so normal but in reality were just H lying/pretending. Whatever you want to call it.
What is scary is that I never saw one single sign that he no longer loved me. I knew he was stressed at work etc. but not once did he do or say anything that would lead me to believe the stress could be coming from him living a lie.
He is/was an open book so it must have been very hard for him to keep up the act. For me it leaves me wondering about my judgement. How could I have not known? How could I hold his hand and hear him say I love you and not know something had changed?
