Gordie #14: the end of my M to MLC W, I think

[Gordie]

SBJ, Andrew, HaWho, Soto,

Thank you for your comments.

SBJ - Yes, I just don’t get why she is throwing me away and the family away...for this fantasy.

Andrew, I think you are right that she wants to be the center of the drama...and right now she is!

Sotto - Yes, I’m a fool for trying to think I can solve for two contradictory demands!

HaWho - I would like to ask those questions, but as you said, need to do so in a calm and detached manner, which today I cannot do.

Journaling:

So I am spinning today. Very clear evidence of activity with OM2 while I was away at work. I was angry but kept it under control. I just looked at stbx and firmly asked: when are you going to sign the papers? She said she is waiting for her L to make more adjustments.

All the ILY and can we work this out, as all of you have pointed out, they are just empty words of manipulation to keep me on the hook. While she continues her R with OM2, I am the fool asking if I can pretzel myself into her irrational demands.

I spent the evening with the kids and put myself to bed and...couldn’t sleep at all.

Having an issue with one of the teens and I had said that I thought the D was taking a toll on X. She said she asked X about it and the D is not affecting X at all. How can she say D has no affect on the kids?

I am so angry and sad and baffled...beyond words...and just exhausted.

I really don’t want to take her to court but if she refuses to sign, then I may have no choice.

Re the standers who can wait out their spouses affairs..:I thought I may be able to do that, but it is such a violation of my conscience. How do they actually do that? Why not just get the D? I believe a M can heal from infidelity, but maybe not mine.