Separation imminent (cont.)

[Hermes]

Trying hard to STFU.
I'm just trying to be even keeled. Smile and be moderately happy around her, and not talk R,A,M any more (although we have to when we discuss D a bit with counselors and mediator etc). Went to a session with a divorce "counselor" advocate for children with her (my suggestion) to talk about how to message this for them and when to do it. (she wanted to do it 2 days post Xmas... (Now she claims she never said that, and she's ok doing it Jan 6 or 13... So I suggested 13... and she said, no she wants the 6th so I said why did she offer the 13 then...
sigh

Tonight she told me she wanted to update me on her Brother... And then while we ate she gave a brief (things aren't good)...
A while back she said it was ok to talk to him... so I reached out to see how he was doing... I also checked in with him last week... and he's called me a couple of times... I didn't say anything to her about this as we weren't talking (she didn't share anything about her brother in the interim)...

I mentioned to her later tonight that I had spoken to him several times (and that it was after she said it was ok...)
She went ape... that a) I spoke to him and didn't reveal this to her at the time, b) I didn't mention it to her when she texted me about wanting to talk to him, nor when she mentioned super briefly that it wasn't good. c) that this is further confirmation she needs to be done with me, and she can't believe I'd hold this from her.

I tried to validate her feelings, but it only made her angrier... she said how would I feel if she did this with my sibling... and her whole family has been working diligently on this issue, but I've obviously been solving his issues... etc. etc. etc. just more and more venom.

I tried to explain I just wanted to be a friend to him... and he just needed someone to talk to as he's in a lot of pain... and how he asked me not to talk about what he said to me as he didn't feel comfortable etc. (Note: I didn't share with her what he said to me that is confidential and private... and is only about his feelings etc.).

I finally just walked away... and left her be.

Later she's back to cold and cool detachment...

and I'm back to trying to be pleasant around her...

did I F up again??? not that it changes anything... I wasn't looking to lord something over her... or hide anything pertinent... she hadn't shared how bad things had gotten... and I didn't get this sense from listening to him... I also didn't advise him to do anything other than I think he should look for a counselor (which I shared with her)... and this also made her mad...