Yep, this massive confusion is what makes this so different from a spouse who just wants to be done with marriage. I have noticed a lot of MLCers need to feel desired. I noticed with my own h that his ego was bruised over aging. He's always been an attractive man and struggled with not looking 30 anymore.

Anyway, the only thing I might say is something like this: w, let me make sure I understand this. You want me to fight for you, yes? Wait for her to answer. Ask what fighting for her means. (Probably the deep root is she doesn't feel as hot anymore. Like Andrew said she wants everyone pining for her.) And then clarify: so you want me to fight for you while you sleep with another man? Then I would just listen.

The key is to be quiet and detached but look her in the eye. The only reason I would consider saying something is that they do remember the way they were treated. And she very well may remember this conversation and then in hindsight (a year or so from now) see it a touch differently. If you say nothing she may always remember that she believed you didn't "fight" for her.

Then I would calmly say: "I am unclear on what you are doing to fight for me and this marriage." And walk out (of the house) calmly. Don't talk to her for more than 5 minutes. There is no point. Just get your point across and then go do something productive.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced