Wife wont admit to affair and its driving me nuts!

[Morbo]

Ok, I kinda put a thread up on this a few weeks back.
Didnt want to admit it and I dont have 100% proof but the evidence is damning..
I really need opinions outside of very close friends, I cant really tell my family the details.

Nov 2016
I got he whole "I'm love you...not in love" etc
She said eveything was my fault.

1 She started hiding her phone and facebook accounts from me. Setting passwords/pins etc.

2 Checked her google maps one day just after xmas 2016. She didnt go to work a couple days earlier although she said she did. She went downtown, then various places there and then drove to a restauarant an hour away for lunch and then to an address/area that I am not familiar with. Stayed there for a few hours and was late home after giving me more excuses.
I confronted her where she had been. She lied easily but then I said I had proof and she admitted she was with OM and they're just friends, blah, blah etc The last few hours were at his house.
I believed her as I love(loved) her and I cant even comprehend how someone can lie so easily.
I went to work that night, she was apologetic when I came back and we had awesome sex.
After that, she turned off google maps...

3 All the while jan/feb 2017, she keeps distancing, is mad as hell with me ALL the time especially as I'm becoming super dad, got new work and got my s**t together. I keep getting the "Why couldnt you have been like this when we were married" spiel. She keeps saying that I should have brought her for lunch, done this/that and then that I should have proposed properly, all this stuff she sees on facebook.

4 Looked at phone records and there's huge amounts of calls to OM especially when I'm working late, long calls. Eventually she wont let me look at OUR phone records. He's just a friend and listens blah, blah

5 Went on an overseas holiday. Was ok but we fought a couple of times and nothing
is really getting better. While there I got a FB friend request from the OM's GF. I dont know this person so thought was weird. Wife made bs excuse and we had awesome sex just after. Also, just to note , sex life was dwindling all the while and she would not cuddle anymore in bed/couch and would even be loving on our dogs knowing that I was in utter pain that she would not even touch or kiss me. The next day the friend request was gone.
Sometimes she seemed that she was coming back to me but then she was gone again, all the while insisting that she didnt know/was unsure.
OM's GF leaves him soon after.
Also, found it weird that the few times we have sex I dont have to use a condom which we always did prior to jan 2017. As far as I can see(and know) she's not on birth control..hmmmmmm

6 I confronted her in may 2017 to see the phone records. She wouldnt let me but eventually relented..As I suspected, huge amounts of calls to OM. I lost my s**t and called OM. It was not pretty. He didnt answer but called back
an hour later insisting that they were just friends. He was very nice, calm, persuasive..I see the best in people so I fell for it.

Around this time her facebook was open and I saw some FB messages and she was talking to a relative about me and he was asking her to take my girls away and live out west. They were joking about it but incredibly hurtful to me. I also saw a message about rates to a dude personal trainer where she mentioned she was separating from me. She actually said. "We're separating, LOL"


7 She moved out jun 2017 to her own place. Stopped wearing her wedding ring.

8 All the while she's still working with him, they're in the same corner of the office and always going for lunch. She got a free trip to Mexico for four days with work and I assume she went with him although I have no proof. He's not in her FB pics but what do I know? I could have found out but was trying to cope with finding a new rental, working and looking after my kids.

9 Aug 2017 ..She went on business trip with him for 2 days. Just friends apparently and they had a picture together on FB which really riled me but as always I tried to forget about it and give her the benefit of the doubt. All the while I'm being nice, affectionate, working on myself and leaving the door open for reconciliation.

10 In the meantime she's mad at me constantly, keeps saying I'm going to find someone else and asks if I'm dating anybody(which I''m not). She is utterly miserable most of the time, has very few friends except OM(haha) and is putting on weight. Sex has stopped..
For my part, I've got a great new place,new car, jobs going great, really connecting with my kids, lost 20 lbs and am happy except for the wondering about her and possible OM and her constant emotional battering.


11 Dec2017
Keeping low contact with her most of the time although she occasionally throws breadcrumbs and wants me to hang out, dinner etc I still love her and am affectionate and nice but she's holding back all the time. Really confusing and hurtful.

12 I have suspicions all the time(which are justified) and I see from a shared credit card
that she was up with OM last weekend 12/10. I didnt give too much away but she said it was to give baking pans to OM's mom(LMFAO). She's incredibly annoyed by my questions, wont admit to any wrongdoing, we're friends etc She called me jerk, P**ck etc and is crazy angry with me.
I also know that she was up in that area other weekends when I had the kids. I didnt confront her with exact details because I'm sure she could make an excuse.
Also, she told me to take her dog that weekend and the only reason as far as I can see is because OM has a dog and the 2 dont get on..

13 Two days later I went out with dude friends for dinner and beers. I told her this but wasnt too specific. She then messaged me later and asked me if I was still out. I didnt answer imediately and I get a couple of NM messages, sarcastic thumbs up. Then she calls me a "dirt person", other nonsenical messages that are just insane.
Also, she's been doing that for the last year. If I dont immediately respond to an email/text
she loses her f**kin mind. She asks about female co-workers, new female FB friends, and is
even jealous of my dude drinking buddies. She's even snooped on my old emails and through google activity saw that I had looked at porn over the course of our marriage. I'm not proud of, it was maybe once or twice a week towards the end. I didnt look much in the early years.
I realize its a problem and probably contributed to our drifting apart.

So anyway, I think I have valid proof/suspicions of her affair.
I hate that she lies and wont admit to it, it drives me crazy.
If she is indeed having an affair thats fine. If she told me a year ago or 6 months ago that she loves him and wants to be with him thats ok too, I mean it..

Anyway, I am finding it really hard to deal with her lies. I could go for definitive proof with a tracking device or PI but I just dont want to go down that road.

I've been detaching completely and things are going ok but its going to be a weird Christmas. Kids are with inlaws 22/23 and I have them for 24th and 25th which I'm very happy about. I have no idea what W will be doing for 24/25, maybe staying at home by "herself" watching
"Its a wonderful life" lol Hmmmmmmm

Would appreciate any input, opinions.
Thanks for listening :-)
_________________________
M-45
W-32
D-10
D-8
Together 11 years
Married 6 years
Separated 6/2017
ILYBINILWY 11/2016 (also nov 2011)
EA 11/16
PA Same time??