Gordie #14: the end of my M to MLC W, I think

[Gordie]

Job, Galpal, Exquisite,

Thank you ladies for your support. Yes, she is still really confused. Crazy how she thinks she can have me an OM1 and when that didn’t work out OM2.

Journaling:

Well, stbx didn’t show for the last big kid event. Tonight she asked if she could come with me and the kids. She is acting all normal and like we are still a couple with the other parents. Wedding rings on. I keep my physical and emotional distance.

I am pretty sure affair with OM2 is still going on, but she’s no longer out in the open about it, so not 100% sure. I assume she would tell me if she broke up with him, but then again she never told me about the breakup with OM1.

At last conversation she said she was confused and didn’t know what she wanted. As many of you have pointed out, I think she’s trying to keep both of us in the picture while she decides.

I continue to flip flop in my heart on what to do. I am tempted to ask her what she is thinking and feeling since our last talk but not sure that would be productive. She says she wants me to fight for her...but what does that mean in this context...when she also asked me to let her go?

DB coach said it’s a fantasy for some women to have two men fighting over her. They love the attention and passion.

Sometimes I feel sorry for her and her confusion and want to stand forever—that I meant my vows, for better or worse. Other times I feel like she is manipulating me and want to cut her out of my life—she has chosen to pursue other men and is no longer deserving of my love. I am confused too.