So i am going to be 40 soon and i am feeling so much regret about my life.
Settling with my ex was such a big mistake and i regret it tremendously. (With the exception of my son) If i married a better man, i could have had more kids and a home and a partner.
He wasted my time and my youth and i feel really bad. I was so stupid about relationships. I am educated and i think i was considered very attractive to guys. I just did not know how to negotiate for myself. I should have been smarter.
We waited so long to marry and have our son. I bet the reasons i miscarried was because he had defective druggie and alcohlic sperm. He coud not perform and i dealt with that for years. I wanted another child so badly and now its too late and im really sad.
He to this day makes iy out like he was the one that had everything to lose. He told me acute bomb drop "nothing changes for you" and recently "i'm an idiot for ever getting involved with you" He was the one that screwed us over financially. I was always a big saver. I was loyal. I worked. And i am a great mom. I still really hate him. And im mad for having been the one to stay with him. I should have left, because other women would have before it was too late.
I know it can be worse. I know the world is a cruel place and that women in other countries are exposed to rape and murder i know people lose their childten. I know that a spouse can die. That there are no guarantees.
I almost deleted what i wrote because i realize it makes me sound spoiled and ungrateful for what i have been given. But these are some dark thoughts i am having and wanted to document.
