Fighting my way out of the dark - Part 7

[Vanilla]

Wear goggles

V

[Holding]

Doodler and V, thanks for the pep talk!

I'm feeling a lot of anger right now. The OM revelation continues to hit me.

Two nights ago I was putting S10 to bed, and he prayed that STBXW and I would change our minds about the D. It took so much willpower to not break down right there in front of him. Every time I hug him I want to just take his pain away.

Last night STBXW was a little more chatty than usual. I didn't have much to say back to her. I hope she's paranoid about what I know. It's time for her to have some mental anguish in this sitch.

Her lies, manipulation, rage, and blame - I'm so sick of it all.

We have mediation in January. Sh!t's gettin' real.

[Holding]

Not much new to report.

STBXW was shopping for a new car yesterday - her old one is being totaled. In front of me, she told S10 she's looking at either an Audi or a BMW.

She's been packing stuff for her move and has boxes all over the place. She had a few boxes in my room (the MBR). Last night I got tired of looking at them and moved them into another room. She hasn't noticed yet, but I expect backlash from her when she does.

[Holding]

I also wanted to ask everyone's opinion on X-mas presents.

I won't be getting her anything. But I'm wondering if I should offer to take the kids shopping so they can buy her something with their own money.

[Btrow]

I'm probably going against the majority here, but since you're asking "everyone": my birthday is earlier in the the year than XW so I gave my mother some cash and asked her to go shopping with my girls for their birthday present to me. That way I didn't have to worry about what XW would do and also I didn't have to pay any attention to her birthday 2 months later, as I set the standard for the future.

I know Christmas is be a bit more complicated as it is gift-giving day on the same day for both of you. Hope you can use my example for some sort of inspiration anyway.

[TBSakaJ9]

H....I got my W something from my kids. I bought it, picked it out and paid for it but it will have their names on it.

IMO do it for your children but not for yourself. When I showed my girls what they will be giving mommy they got excited. In the end it's about the children and making them comfortable.

Just my 10 cents.

BTW...I remember when my W was moving out, bouncing all around the house like it was Christmas morning, packing, asking me if she could this or that, wanting to decorate her apartment and inviting her crew over for an open house to celebrate......it was fuching brutal. Bittersweet but definitely more bitter than sweet. Hang in their dude, Jan will be here before you know it!

[Jim1234]

Personally, I think your older son is old enough to figure it out without your hand holding. If not, then so what? No longer your responsibility.

Of course if S15 asks you to take him to the mall, you should do that for him.

[Holding]

I'm probably going against the majority here, but since you're asking "everyone": my birthday is earlier in the the year than XW so I gave my mother some cash and asked her to go shopping with my girls for their birthday present to me. That way I didn't have to worry about what XW would do and also I didn't have to pay any attention to her birthday 2 months later, as I set the standard for the future.

Btrow, that's a good idea, but it's a bit late for me to make this happen for X-mas. I don't have any relatives in town.

H....I got my W something from my kids. I bought it, picked it out and paid for it but it will have their names on it.

IMO do it for your children but not for yourself. When I showed my girls what they will be giving mommy they got excited. In the end it's about the children and making them comfortable.

J9, you're a better man than me. After the abuse from my STBXW, I will not be putting my own money forward. But both sons have plenty of their own money they can use. Granted, my kids are older than yours, so it's a little different.

BTW...I remember when my W was moving out, bouncing all around the house like it was Christmas morning, packing, asking me if she could this or that, wanting to decorate her apartment and inviting her crew over for an open house to celebrate......it was fuching brutal. Bittersweet but definitely more bitter than sweet. Hang in their dude, Jan will be here before you know it!

Yeah, sounds familiar. STBXW is blaring music (more love music) and just happily packing things up in front of the kids. Fvcking sad.

-------

Oh lord, check this out. STBXW kept texting and calling me leaving messages saying "Call ASAP". After about 10 minutes of this, I figure it might be an actual issue and call her. She said the insurance company is cutting her a check for her totaled car (this is after the car loan is paid off). The check is for a few thousand and will have both our names on it. But since she insisted on closing the joint checking account a few months ago, there's no place she can cash it.

She wants me to call the insurance company and have them put the check in just her name. I told her that's not fair to me - I'm entitled to half the check since it's a joint asset. She said, "Really, Holding, are we going to do this? I need the money for a new car". I asked if this was the urgent matter she needed me to call her about. When she said yes, I said "I don't have time to talk about this now. Bye." And I hung up.

[Holding]

Personally, I think your older son is old enough to figure it out without your hand holding. If not, then so what? No longer your responsibility.

Of course if S15 asks you to take him to the mall, you should do that for him.

I forgot to respond to you, Jim. It's true that S15 is probably old enough to figure it out. But we've never made him responsible for this before, so it seems like a bit of a d!ck move to just throw my hands up and let him figure it out. Since I'd be taking S10 anyway, I will definitely invite S15 to come along.

Of course, I still haven't made up my mind that I'm actually doing this. Let's see how the car thing goes.

[Gordie]

My 15yo def can’t figure it out.

I say you help your kids buy their mom gifts.

She is no longer your w but she is still their mom.