Hoosjim's 9th: WW, A ended(?); "All-in" or not?

[hoosjim]

The woman who does not have that self centeredness and seemly has a good heart.......IMHO, reacts from her MR that has left her feeling empty and emotionally dead. She longs for romantic intimacy, tenderness, fun, etc. with her H. Going without for a long time may cause her to seek out novels or movies that feed an unmet desire in her heart. If she doesn't receive the things she desires from her H and their MR, she will often have an ongoing fantasy of how her life might be with someone else. And this can lead her into a vulnerable emotional state.

Sandi, that is a really good profile, and I know it is available elsewhere in other form in your various WW threads, but I thank you for posting a thumbnail here.

FWIW, I think the latter profile, the "previously good", fits me wife just about to a "T"... especially based on the way she has acted and even more specifically on the various things she has said. Whether that makes her and our MR salvageable is an entirely different question. She had an inordinately long period of neglect and loneliness (ironically at least somewhat due to her faith and sense of duty thereto which kept her around longer than she might have otherwise) during which to build up those wayward and rebellious feelings. I think her actual hostile resentment of me is mostly gone (at least on a conscious level), but there is no "love", at least in the romantic sense, currently. That part of our relationship was killed a long time ago. Maybe too long ago-- last time I saw her legitimately interested in me in any kind of intimate/romantic manner was four years ago, and she would say longer-- for it ever to come back.

And I understand that now. Maybe I've always understood it-- what a longshot this is at this point.




And I would add as well that it was her faith, I think... No, make that I know that I relied on, always having that in the back of my head, that kept me from having any sense of urgency on the previous two or three occasions she came to me, before OM, and said, in one way or another: "I feel unloved and undesired and sometimes I think we'd all just be better off if I left." I really, honestly, felt "safe" in the knowledge of how strong and important to her her faith was. It legitimately never occurred to me that she might actually leave-- even on the one time she actually packed her bag and I said "please don't go" even then not believing she was actually going to-- until I found out about the affair. Even before I found out, when I started having some nagging suspicions, I would always default to: she'd never cross that line.