A grateful heart..

[Sotto]

Thanks for the belated birthday wishes guys. Yes, I'll look back on my 50th with a grateful heart for sure. It was a great birthday and all that I wanted to be!

Time for a quick Xmas update while dinner is in the oven. Really looking forward to the festive season. I have my gold tree up with bright baubles and lights - all looks lovely. I have a little time off and will be catching up with friends and family, along with a couple of big dancing parties - should be fun..

I must admit that XH is truly in my thoughts less and less. It will be four years since our problems truly began (with BD1 and discovery of and EA or so I thought) and 3.5 years since full BD. Life truly does get better and I really don't think we ever regret putting in the work that is recommended on this forum. For me, the D process finalising was freeing and I have enjoyed moving forward from that - made some nice new friends and worked on me - and I do like me better now. I am more kind and accepting of myself and more conscious of my people pleasing ways and boundaries too. It is all a work in progress, but on a good path I think.

I'm catching up with SS and his Mum over the hols too. I always have some mixed feelings about that (what will I hear about XH) - but I am fond of SS and it is good to keep in touch. I'm interested to see how things unfold in 2018 when SS and his Mum plan to return to the US - presumably leaving XH and OW here. It's a bit of an unstable situation I think and will be interesting to see what happens.

Had a nice chat with NG the other week. He and I have a gently growing friendship I think. He initiates friendly hugs and kisses these days and makes nice comments about my appearance. A mutual friend of ours said she thinks he is intensely shy and has probably put me on a pedestal, fearing to ask me out again. But I don't know and I'm letting things gently unfold, whilst being open to other invitations too.

Work has been intense again. So much so that I cancelled some Xmas leave and had a mini crying meltdown this week (not at work, but on my own.) So, I'm regrouping, asking for what I need, carefully planning my schedule and making sure I only sign up to realistic and achievable things - that's very much a work in progress too...

Anyway - for those at an earlier stage in your journey - know that life does become peaceful and happy again and it is nice to feel in charge of your own destiny. Above all, do follow the advice to 'back burner' your errant spouse and focus on you - it does pay dividends I promise you!

Warm festive wishes to you all xxx