Working through recon. Life is full of mountains

[joejoe1]

LITB,

I felt very weak in those moments. I felt super unattractive. Its funny because before we started recon. I didn't care and I was ready to move on. Now I'm like why the hell am I feeling like this.

One thing I realized, was my vulnerability was high. For the first time in our M, I start to open up and be venerable.

I have start to let my guard down some. Also for me, I realized my ego and pride was broken. I have to reestablish those. I cant let them over take me like I did before BD. But have to hold them in priority for me. I Also realized that my W can't help me with rebuilding those. They are mines to rebuild. She has shame and guilt to deal with.

During DB I was saying I just want her back. Now I just want the insecurity to go away. I know all these things will take time. Whats great is my W said she is willing to wait as long as it takes. Recon is hard work, M is hard work and getting past all the damage is hard work.

The mountains we must climb. But making it to the other side is where the reward lies. I clawed and scratched my way to this point now its time to stand a scale this monster. The other side here I come.

Also, it's been so muggy in Texas lately. And Christmas is a really expensive time of year. We are still decorating. Who else still have some shopping to do. I have one more present to get.

Onward and forward.

[Joe2017]

Brother, I am envious of your position. You get another chance. Make the most of it!

One thing you have to keep telling yourself is that she didn't cheat on you because of YOU. It's more of a reflection on her than it is on you. She made that decision without you.

If you weren't attractive, if you weren't a good man, if you weren't worth her time, she wouldn't be reconciling your M right now. She would be with OM2 or OM3 or some OTHER person out there.

She made the DECISION to come back to you. To YOU. I know you're feeling insecure but you're obviously an extremely invaluable part if your W's life. She came back to YOU, after all!

[joejoe1]

AS and Joe,

Thanks for the support and awesome advice. I have to let go of what she did. I wont forget but I have forgave her.

[Holding]

JoeJoe, this will be a hard path for you. It's funny how every part of this process seems like the worst. I hope you get to a better place.

[Joe2017]

Joe Joe, I just wanted to check in with you and see how your holidays went with your W. Keep your head up.

[joejoe1]

Joe,

Our Christmas was busy. My W stayed up until 430 am cooking. I feel asleep with S1 around 230 am. We woke up at 7 and watch the boys open presents. Then we went by the in-laws. The boys racked up at in-laws. They got every game system known to man.

We are still doing good.

[Joe2017]

That's great JJ, keep it up!

[trbuste]

Sounds like made some awesome progress, I am envious!

[joejoe1]

All,

I haven't post about my Sitch in a while. I come back to give back because all the wonderful help I received when I first arrived here last August. Without it no telling where I would be now.

My W and I are working hard on our M. We have been to counseling and have more to go too. We are learning to communicate our problems better. We have look to going to Rville or EMS weekend in Austin.

She is putting in the work to help repair the damage.

I must admit, this is hard. I have broke down crying a few times in the last two weeks, because I wanted to just throw my hands up and give up. I wanted a divorce in my head and not my heart. It hurt so much thinking about leaving my boys. I shed those tears in front my W. She wants and feel this M is going to work. She has faith in us but the pain some days are huge.

She also broke down crying to me one day after a talk we were having and told me that she wakes up every moring with guilt and shame, she was shaking and hyper ventilating. And she told me she wanted to walk in front a bus. I coukd see the struggle she was going thru.

This process can't be rushed and there's no short cuts. We have decided to walk thru it together. I'm joyful on one hand and scared on the other.

The thougths of the A have lessen. And we are smiling and making each other laugh more.

I thought about posting in the recon thread but it's not very active and I think my post will help more people here. I go there looking for advice, but I talk to holding and he convince me I should post more to help others and possibly get some more help.

I also do counseling by myself. My counselor told me something the other day that stuck with me. I told him I'm have a hard time with the A and wanting to stay. I told him one of the things I'm having a hard time with is how my W told me she thought she was in love with OM and how she cut it off. He asked me a few questions and one of those questions was, how did you treat your W before the A, and I once again had to remind myself I treated her like crap. I told him I wont take responsibility for the A. He told me, what if the only way for my W to live with the guilt she had was to tell herself she was in love with the OM. Is that a possibility. I told him yes that is. My W told me multiple times that she thought she was in love with the OM because I how she felt about me.(Im putting this here because, the fantasy is full of false emotions). So we have to get out the way as LBS and let them go, so those false emotion is hit with reality. My W also told me she knew that a relationship with the OM wasnt going to last.

For V day my W bought me a new silicon wedding band. I told I wasnt wearing another one until she bought it.

I hope this help!!!!! I want to put this here so when others start recon and repair they have a place to have an idea of what to expect.

Only hard work ahead.

Onward and forward

[marina7]

With God anything is possible. Wish ya 50 more years of happiness. God bless