Working through recon. Life is full of mountains

[joejoe1]

LITB,

I felt very weak in those moments. I felt super unattractive. Its funny because before we started recon. I didn't care and I was ready to move on. Now I'm like why the hell am I feeling like this.

One thing I realized, was my vulnerability was high. For the first time in our M, I start to open up and be venerable.

I have start to let my guard down some. Also for me, I realized my ego and pride was broken. I have to reestablish those. I cant let them over take me like I did before BD. But have to hold them in priority for me. I Also realized that my W can't help me with rebuilding those. They are mines to rebuild. She has shame and guilt to deal with.

During DB I was saying I just want her back. Now I just want the insecurity to go away. I know all these things will take time. Whats great is my W said she is willing to wait as long as it takes. Recon is hard work, M is hard work and getting past all the damage is hard work.

The mountains we must climb. But making it to the other side is where the reward lies. I clawed and scratched my way to this point now its time to stand a scale this monster. The other side here I come.

Also, it's been so muggy in Texas lately. And Christmas is a really expensive time of year. We are still decorating. Who else still have some shopping to do. I have one more present to get.

Onward and forward.