"20 Something" is my son's best friend. I think she looks on me as a benevolent and somewhat gullible Uncle. I am a man though and she is no longer 12 - but - inappropriate for all sorts of reasons.
I don't know as we're all that different as far as our thoughts around our children and our obligations to them. This is the first year when I haven't been the funder of S23's Christmas shopping. If he wasn't working I would have again. What I / we always did was set a budget of X dollars that we would give the kids to allocate however they wanted. I did struggle a bit last Christmas knowing that I was paying for his gift to his mother as well as his gift to me. He does try hard to be thoughtful. This year, I chose to not offer and he's not asked for a Christmas budget. If he did ask, I would raise an eyebrow but pass over the cash.
I think you did the right thing by providing funding. One mental exercise that has helped me and I learned from other divorced parents (although I'm not quite divorced yet) was to think of my former partner as my children's mother. The connection goes through them and I'm not part of it. I actually think I'm doing reasonably well on that part.
For myself, I certainly have a list and check it twice Being a jolly fat guy with a grey beard perhaps makes that a requirement. I try hard to be thoughtful and actually started my list back in September when I was visiting D25 and noticed some things that might make their lives more pleasant. They did mention that the membership to the local zoo was greatly appreciated and that they hoped for a renewal - it was done. I've told them, and D25 has heard the message very clearly, that the most precious gift that they can give me is their time. Last year for my birthday she gave me two entire days of her time. It was wonderful.
I firmly agree on not giving up our obligations to our children to whoever our former partners may be hooked up with. The only people we can rely on is ourselves. We know what our standards are and we will meet them. I held these children in my arms as they took some of their first breaths. I'm not about to let them go now.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Being a jolly fat guy with a grey beard perhaps makes that a requirement. I try hard to be thoughtful and actually started my list back in September when I was visiting D25 and noticed some things that might make their lives more pleasant. They did mention that the membership to the local zoo was greatly appreciated and that they hoped for a renewal - it was done. I've told them, and D25 has heard the message very clearly, that the most precious gift that they can give me is their time. Last year for my birthday she gave me two entire days of her time. It was wonderful.