Joe, it is very normal for a cheated on partner to know all the details of the A, and it is also normal for the cheater to want to bury it and never discuss it again. The two of you have to strike a balance there. Just understand that no matter what she tells you it's never going to be enough to satisfy you. At some point you have to let go and try to start rebuilding the trust.
And your lack of trust is also very understandable. It's great that the two of you are seeing a C, that will help. Just be patient with yourself as well as with your W, it will take a while to build the trust back up again. You're going to have your walls up a while, that's normal.
You are doing fine, recon is a slow process, hang in there!
