You are very normal and it's going to take a while before you are on more solid ground. I know exactly how yo feel. There will be days when you take one huge step forward and then there will be days when it's two steps back...but I promise you, as you continue on your journey, those steps will get smaller and smaller as you toughen up and become less sensitive to what your h is saying or doing.
Your h's empathy chip is broken and to say such things about discussing a D after the holidays...well I have a good answer for him, if and when he does bring it up. I would say "h, I will have to think about this D and what all it will entail. I need some time to adjust to this situation and I'll get back to you when I am ready to discuss it with you". You don't need to go into everything w/him...just tell him you need the time to adjust to this new situation and then walk away.
You'll figure out the one thing you want to accomplish in 2018 when the time is right.
For now, dig deeper for patience and continue moving forward. We are here to pick you up if you should stumble and fall.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
