I told her that the court ordered me to pay for insurance and I would continue to do so, unless and until the divorce decree was modified. I stated that I was protecting myself.
She asked why I cared what the court said, that we could switch the insurance around without a court order. I stated I was not comfortable with that not being official with the court.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Hey bro! How are things? It's great you stood up for the insurance issue and not let her steamroll you. How has post D life been so far?
Post D life has been mostly amazing. Aside from the occasional drama, I am truely enjoying my life. I had to put off KB, bc I apparently have carpal tunnel in both arms and a nerve inpingement.
I started dating again, and it has been a little rough, but not for reasons you may think. I apparently had a plethora of ladies who want me. Between online dating apps and IRL meetings, it is pretty crazy. To the point where I had to start a separate calendar, and have to start weeding them down. I'm basically on 1st-3rd dates 3-4 nights a week. A little painful on the pocketbook though. I feel so much more alive. I really hope things work out for you, and I never would have left my xW, but she brought it on.
speaking of xW, she has already expressed regret over the D, and it has only been a month! She apologized for her behavior over the Child support, and admitted she was just butthurt over it. We were together Friday for our daughter's blue belt test and it was fairly pleasant.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Hey man! Good to hear from you. Sorry about the carpal tunnel.
Wow, dating life seems bananas lol. I hope that you're okay being out there with other women and that it's not being counter productive to your personal growth goals.
Good that she apologized for her behavior at the child support hearing. Looks like you've moved on and are in a better place. You're able to come together for your daughter and that's awesome.
Keep on building yourself and pop in with updates when you can. I am about to enter a bit of a $hitstorm later this week and preparing myself to get through it emotionally and mentally.
Dating has been really crazy, but I have toned it back quite a bit.
I feel that I got my rebound out of the way. I had a few short lived relationships that were purely physical. ( and a few that ended because I wasn't physical fast enough, go figure)
Recently however, I met someone that I am super into (from Tinder of all places!) We have been talking for over a month, and have had five dates so far. We are taking it sort of slow, but it seems to be really worth the patience (We finally ended a date other than the parking lot last night). She is basically everything that I feel I need.
The thing I have noticed, post D, is that I am much more able to identify my needs and evaluate if someone is able to provide me with what I need. IC has really been a big boon for this. Hence the rapid pace of some of these relationships.
Health wise, things are not the best. I have had an MRI and a nerve conduction test. I have degenerative disc disease, carpal tunnel in my right arm, and an entrapped nerve in my left arm which requires surgery. Since I can't do KB atm, I hike 10mi every weekend (5 mi on Sat and Sundays).
Things with xW seem to been good atm. She inquires about my personal life, and I don't mind sharing some things. But I made it clear last week that we were not getting back together. She asked if I wanted information on her boyfriend. I told her I already had all the information I needed on him. She told me about a stalker she apparently had. That scared me. For the safety of my children, and her as a human being. I'm not ever thinking we will recon, and I am okay with that. But if we can maintain where we are right now, I would be okay, no friendlier no nastier.
Dating has affected my personal goals, sadly. I have fallen behind in the online course that I was taking, but I am hoping to be able to catch up soon. It is a lesson I had to learn, but I guess a worthwhile one.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Recently however, I met someone that I am super into (from Tinder of all places!) We have been talking for over a month, and have had five dates so far. We are taking it sort of slow, but it seems to be really worth the patience (We finally ended a date other than the parking lot last night). She is basically everything that I feel I need.
The thing I have noticed, post D, is that I am much more able to identify my needs and evaluate if someone is able to provide me with what I need. IC has really been a big boon for this. Hence the rapid pace of some of these relationships.
Well, apparently I can't read a situation. (although everyone I have talked to has pointed out that I did nothing wrong)
After seven dates I get:
I have so much fun with you and you are such an amazing person, but I do not feel the chemistry.
Um...When you take it suuuuper slow, I feel like chemistry starts to fall? Maybe I am wrong. Maybe it is how you define chemistry. But if you don't really want to be physical with someone, don't bombard them with innuendo and tease them about it.
Well, there is xW shadow, following me around again, taunting me.
I so hate this crap.
Back to the drawing board. Or a dark room.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Dont take any "rejection" in the dating game as some sort of sign that you are not enough or you are doing things 'wrong'. There are no rules to this.
Im not into "hippy nonense" or whatever you want to call it, however, I am a massive believer that we do give off certain vibes or energy that we dont understand.
I believe we attract people through these vibes and when you are happy, married and content more times than not you get attention when you dont need it, on the flip side, when you want it - you cant seem to get it right.
The best chance you have of meeting someone long term is to live for yourself and to draw happiness from within and dont have meeting someone as the "end goal".
Your good enough as you are.
I know for me and others I have spoken to, we are more attracted to the self confident comfortable in their on skin type, rather than someone who you can tell is looking to meet someone.
As I was still reading your latest post Jmstl, I was thinking, well how do you define chemistry, and then you said it yourself! So help us all, and perhaps yourself as well and tell us what happened. 7 dates... Was there anything physical that happened? Did you totally make out with her? How soon in or was that #5? If not, why not? As Benito said it really is a balancing act. Taking things slow does not nessisarily mean nothing physical happens. This almost sounds like you were friend zoned. She loves hanging out with you, enjoys time, thinks you are great but just doesn't want to jump your bones. Sound about right? I'm kinda guessing here but may have some thoughts comments and advice but am not sure it would apply without knowing more. Hope you'll share.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
As I was still reading your latest post Jmstl, I was thinking, well how do you define chemistry, and then you said it yourself! So help us all, and perhaps yourself as well and tell us what happened. 7 dates... Was there anything physical that happened? Did you totally make out with her? How soon in or was that #5? If not, why not? As Benito said it really is a balancing act. Taking things slow does not nessisarily mean nothing physical happens. This almost sounds like you were friend zoned. She loves hanging out with you, enjoys time, thinks you are great but just doesn't want to jump your bones. Sound about right? I'm kinda guessing here but may have some thoughts comments and advice but am not sure it would apply without knowing more. Hope you'll share.
DonH
Starting with Date 2, we started 'totally making out' But things just ended in the parking lot of wherever we drove to. I had told her that for date #5 I wanted to just watch a movie instead of going out, and she agreed. She claimed she was 'in the repair shop' that night as things started to heat up (we ended up making out for 2.5 hours) so everything was waist up. Claimed the same thing date #6. I had warned her of possible 'issues', and she said it was probably just nerves and no judgement.
Now mind you, she told me A. that she wanted to go slow from the beginning. B, we always had this back and forth innuendo about sex.
She talked about how cute I was, and how thoughtful and respectful I am (she joked I didn't even touch her butt till the fourth date. I was trying to be a gentleman) How focused, and ambitious I seemed to be, and how she was just generally happy being around me, and that she liked me.
When she asked what we were doing date #7, I laid out a list of things. Hiking, lunch, sex?, shopping, christmas lights. She even brought this essential oil thing for 6yo D who has trouble sleeping.
She seemed totally okay with it. We held hands, we laughed, we trolled each other, we smiled. It seemed almost magical to me. So when she said she wanted to call it a night, I really thought she was just tired. there was no indication she wasn't interested.
She said she wanted to give us a fair shot and see if feelings developed. But holy hell, after 1.5 months of talking and 7 dates, I would have thought she would have figured it out sooner.
Probably TMI, but it does feel good to talk about it, I guess.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
