Hoosjim's 9th: WW, A ended(?); "All-in" or not?

[Coconut]

This is you trying to fix it yourself, and doesn't get you anywhere. unless she says "NO, I'm done", you will still be in the same place. You cannot do anything to get her where you want her to be, she needs to do it.

Idunno, I think there's actually quite a bit I can do. I can refuse to live in a sham marriage. I can refuse to participate in sham marriage counseling.

I still don't think you are getting it.. You telling her in M counseling that you need ..., is you trying to convince her to do something.

You not living in a sham marriage, or refuse in participating in M counseling, are actions that you can take. They don't require talking to her about it. Stop thinking that you have to run every decision by her first, decide what YOU want and act on that, without a discussion with her.

But I still recommend you stop spinning before you do anything.