Adjusting to being a LBS....

[Subitai]

Last night was OK. W was upset that I was sort of sliding into the 123 Magic process without getting her buy in. I told her I agreed it would be better if we were both on the same page, but I can't just keep doing what I was doing with the kids, so I HAVE to change something. Her complaint that I can't just decide what to do while we're parenting together is legit, though. This morning I told her I would back off on 123 Magic routines and give her some space to consider if she wants to do it, but I would really like to give it a go. Using the techniques this weekend really kept me on an even keel, and I wasn't mad or mean or yelly with the kids at all, even when they were being sent for time out or other consequences, and it was an amazing difference.

I was, unfortunately, a bit mean to her, when she said we couldn't have conflicting parenting approaches and I said we already HAD conflicting ones in that we weren't applying one at all. She said this was mainly my fault because I don't stick with the program, so why should she think this 123 magic would be any different. I then pointed out one of the things that really bugs me about how she parents our S, which was a real jerk move.

So, we fought about it a bit, I walked away for a bit, then came back with a more reasoned approach. She wanted to know what I wanted to accomplish with this approach, I explained why I wanted to do it. She's not sold on it, yet, but I'm hoping we can get to a place where she's at least willing to try it.

She definitely made the point of me doing stuff without consulting her was a huge problem with the marriage, and me doing this is 'more of the same' so it's a mess up on the 180 for sure. This morning's back off is meant to try and get back on track for that 180. It's friggin hard, though, when she's basically said she's going to be gone for a week at the beginning of Jan and wants to start the official separation by the 15th of Jan, so I don't see many weeks of parenting together left, and I want to get the kids on-line with the new rules before all hell breaks loose when we tell the kids we're divorcing.

We have MC today, so I want to talk about this issue.