Oh Jim, I am sorry you are struggling so much. I read the backtracking just like Arista did and the defensiveness just like Joe did. I think you might be having some misdirected emotions right now, and the people here get it.
Personally, I am less worried about OM than I am about her resistance to doing what she is "supposed" to be doing. Her heart and mind is elsewhere and I don't think it has to do with OM or any guy for that matter, including you. She has this great desire to do her own thing without guilt or consequence. Her heart is not rebuilding the M right now. I think she is keeping it status quo and putting on appearances of trying so she could say that she did so she can do what she wants without guilt.
It certainly is a rock in a hard place. I really don't think it has much to do with you at all right now. But I also don't see this going anywhere unless she is left to do what she feels she needs to do. I feel like that time is going to come sooner or later. I do think you guys would seriously benefit from time apart, but I don't know how that would work or look to you.
You are trying really hard to help her get to a place you need her to be, but if she isn't in it, you are the one who is going to suffer.
Say, for the sake of argument OM never happened. She just decided to check out and told you she wanted a divorce. HOw would your sitch be looking to you right now?
