Gordie #14: the end of my M to MLC W, I think

[Gordie]

SBJ, Butterfly, Pew,

Thank you for your well wishes and hope you have a great Christmas week.

Journaling:

Well, she has been pursuing me for the last week and I have been friendly but not all that responsive. In the last 24 hours, she is now switching to distancing. No more initiating communication and no more physical touching. Now that I have lived this pattern for a while, I still get the urge to pursue when she distances. Alas, I am tired of the game so am doing my best to just be me.

I am not making any decisions about moving out or anything today. It’s the week before Christmas and the kids are pumped up and so am trying my best to fake it even if I don’t feel so merry inside. One Christmas gift: my little guy has been writing me ILY notes and giving them to me. He is such a sweetie.

I thought last Christmas was our last one, but here we are again. Stbx said by this Christmas OM1 would be with us to open presents. Like HaWho, I don’t think she even remembers the crazy stuff she has said. I wish I could forget.