I'm really sorry Holding but it really tends to be the case in majority of these cases. It just really requires an emotionally strong and mature person to leave a relationship without having a crutch relationship waiting at the doorstep.
I can only say that it gets easier. Just yesterday I took my kids to XWs place and went on a walk afterwards. Noticed OM's car was behind the building. D has not said a word before that OM has been introduced - so now I know that they're playing a happy family at the place where I lived 5 months ago. As I said, it gets easier, it really does - I sort of just thought what OM thinks while I'm talking to my S in a childish manner. I haven't seen him yet.
My case is however different as your W is definitely a WW. That attitude and OM. I promise you it's going to get better when you physically separate. And based on your posts your W will lose a lot... she just hasn't understood it yet. Just don't let her treat you like that and in my opinion, there's no reason to confront her - just make sure you're not going to be a doormat.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
H man......I am very sorry to hear. A big man hug to you! Hang in there bro. Remember tough times never last but tough people do. I often wonder how I will feel the day I find out and confirm. I think it will bring me some closure.
I don't think your a fool. You have two beautiful children that have a loving father. If it wasn't for your W you wouldn't have them. Unfortunately our W's have changed, some change for the better while others change for the worse. Yes, maybe we got the wrong end of the stick in the W dept but something tells me you are blessed in many other ways!!
Hang in there dude.....I am struggling as well for Christmas but we owe it to our children to be present and in the moment.
She laughed at me, called me a moron and a fvcktard. I told her she might think she can talk to me like that for the rest of her life, but she's wrong. She spent the rest of the morning laughing and snickering at me in front of S10. I ignored her.
so how is she wrong? it seems to me that you are wrong... you still allowed her to talk to you like that... she is mocking you... daring you to do anything about it... did you at least take away your bluetooth speaker?
Something I didn't mention in my last post - the stress of all this caused me to pop a blood vessel in my eye over the weekend.
Originally Posted By: lcause
And based on your posts your W will lose a lot... she just hasn't understood it yet.
What will she lose? Me?
Originally Posted By: Joseph9
I often wonder how I will feel the day I find out and confirm. I think it will bring me some closure.
I don't wish this knowledge on you. But yeah, closure is a good word for it. I feel like I can stop beating myself up over my mistakes, and second-guessing myself. I can see her cheap lies for what they are.
Originally Posted By: artista
so how is she wrong? it seems to me that you are wrong... you still allowed her to talk to you like that... she is mocking you... daring you to do anything about it... did you at least take away your bluetooth speaker?
She gave me the speaker back. Actually, I think she slammed it down (no big deal, it's rubber). What else can I do other than ignore her and walk away? She's baiting me and I'd be a fool to take her bait. I'm going to be Mr. Cool and Calm in the face of her craziness.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
She's baiting me and I'd be a fool to take her bait. I'm going to be Mr. Cool and Calm in the face of her craziness.
Holding,
I know that "cool and calm" is the battle cry of the DB gang, but your wife has walked all over you and rubbed your nose in her excrement for a long time. Given the situation, I don't have any issue with you showing your outrage and condemnation of what she's doing. I'm not talking about having a tantrum and throwing things. I'm talking about decisively showing her that you won't put with her bullying an bullsh*t. Stand up for yourself and your children. The time for cool and calm has passed.
How do I start??? Refer back to the first responses you got when you posted "you story" Breath, eat, take care of yourself! Even though you may have had suspicions about the possibility of OM the confirmation that there is one puts you at a fork in the road. Continue down the same path you're on because you are doing great or let this completely derail you and let her see that this affected you. It's up to you, "Your future is out there. Go find it" your words not ours! It will get easier as they all say when you living separate, look forward to that day. Chin up, you'll be ok if you want to be.
Given the situation, I don't have any issue with you showing your outrage and condemnation of what she's doing. I'm not talking about having a tantrum and throwing things. I'm talking about decisively showing her that you won't put with her bullying an bullsh*t. Stand up for yourself and your children. The time for cool and calm has passed.
Can you give me an example of the kind of action you're talking about? Do I yell? Tell her to f*ck off? Calmly state that I'm not going to put up with her bullying and bullsh1t?
Originally Posted By: dusty70
How do I start??? Refer back to the first responses you got when you posted "you story" Breath, eat, take care of yourself! Even though you may have had suspicions about the possibility of OM the confirmation that there is one puts you at a fork in the road. Continue down the same path you're on because you are doing great or let this completely derail you and let her see that this affected you. It's up to you, "Your future is out there. Go find it" your words not ours! It will get easier as they all say when you living separate, look forward to that day. Chin up, you'll be ok if you want to be.
Thanks, Dusty! I'm continuing on my same path (getting ready for a new life after D). I don't look forward to the legal struggle, but I can't wait until she's out of the house.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Can you give me an example of the kind of action you're talking about? Do I yell? Tell her to f*ck off? Calmly state that I'm not going to put up with her bullying and bullsh1t?
Do you know how some people can walk into a room and they have a certain stage presence? They're confident and you get the feeling that they're competent, trustworthy and someone you don't dare cross.
When you get pissed-off enough, you can illicit that state; I know you can, but it's been repressed for a very long time.
In 1994, I was at the UF-FSU football game. With a little over eleven minutes left in the game, the score was UF 31, FSU 3. Suddenly FSU came alive. FSU tied that game in the last eleven minutes (back when you could tie in college football). The next day, I was looking at the local newspaper and I saw a picture of the FSU quarterback that was taken just before that amazing comeback. You could see something about his facial expression and body language that said he was ready to move heaven and earth to win that game (i.e. I'm done being f*cked with).
It's an attitude, followed by appropriate action, that sets the tone and tempo. Go buy some boxes and tape (for your wife) and keep them ready for when moment arrives.
She's baiting me and I'd be a fool to take her bait. I'm going to be Mr. Cool and Calm in the face of her craziness.
Holding,
I know that "cool and calm" is the battle cry of the DB gang, but your wife has walked all over you and rubbed your nose in her excrement for a long time. Given the situation, I don't have any issue with you showing your outrage and condemnation of what she's doing. I'm not talking about having a tantrum and throwing things. I'm talking about decisively showing her that you won't put with her bullying an bullsh*t. Stand up for yourself and your children. The time for cool and calm has passed.
Echoed and agreed. Be aware though went the anger floodgates open that it's a glorious and dangerous thing.
Once you know then you will never unknow. The Rubycon can never be uncrossed and there is shift. I love it when I sense shift. Shift means permanent new mindsets. Change can always be reversed, it's a soft option.
Sitches change with shift, they change permanently and usually move with determination.
A glorious and exceptional movement of attitudes and beliefs. Resulting in life shift, it happens in a single breath, an action for life affirming self centred control. Enjoying the moments that posters say I detached.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
