Divorce and Acceptance- Part 2

[Pax_luv]

Gosh, hard to believe it's almost been a month since my last post.

Hope the holiday season is treating everyone as well as possible!

I was sick with a cold all weekend and was able to catch up on many threads. It's always hard reading the stories in new comers. Breaks my heart. I remember the days of just existing in a black cloud.... Ugh. The first 6 months after bd are the worst. Well, new or veteran, my heart goes out to everyone this time of year. Blessings to all!

A non-update...

No new developments in my sitch. I recently read some developments on 25's thread as her ex reminds me so much of mine. Mine is a cunning snake.... And yeah.... Will cut off his nose to spite his face as well.

I can't share the behind the scenes details of what's been goin on, but as I predicted when the divorce was triggered by ex, it hasn't been pretty and has actually been worse than I could have ever imagined. There are some days that I want to just inundate him with truth darts, truth daggers, and truth axes.... But I know it will fall on deaf ears and he'll just come up with a way to attack back. There's no point. So I bite my tongue, just as I have the last several years.


Even though we've been separated for so long, he literally still has zero Interest in anything I have to say. Which baffles me because I should be the one refusing to speak to him!!! It's ironic how they turn it all around. If he actually did stop and assess the situation outside of his anger, he'd realized I've only acted in defense this entire time. But his ego (narcissism?) continues to interfere with the real life happenings right in front of his eyeballs. Oh well... Sad for him.

So my legal journey marches onwards with little end in sight. Honestly, I hope my lawyer doesn't fire me as a client because he is getting involved in some pretty petty nonsense. I don't even want to engage in some of this craziness, however, I can't back down because ex will take it ALL. I'm sounding dramatic, but im truly walking through bizarro land right now with this d.

But all in all, I'm a-ok. I'm better without him. I still have some work to do in trying to get over the fact that my inlaws and former friends think I'm the monster. Thats just my ego talking and I have to learn to manage that, while reminding myself that I know my truth.

I'm also learning to be ok with it as I've accepted the fact that ex will never wake up. I will never get an apology or an "I may have made a mistake." He's going to be able to use the nasty divorce proceedings as the fuel to justify his reasons for leaving me.

You see.... Before.... He didn't really have a good reason to divorce me. He wasn't happy and he didn't love me. That's all on him. Our whole separation, I've been off doing my DB thing... Friendly neighbor, gal, 180's, working on myself. Literally, there's nothing he could say about me as I wasn't in his life at all! I was doing my thing and was very pleasant around him.

But now, I'm the greedy, stubborn, monster who is intentionally making his life miserable by dragging out this divorce because I refuse to roll over and allow him to dictate how my future is going to pan out. I gave all I had to this marriage and he expected me to walk away with nada.

So, that above gets to be his narrative now. And it kills me that it is HIS outlandish behavior is the reason why I had to take a firm stance in not letting him direct the outcome of the divorce. Some people just have a way to spin things that there's literally no way to escape it. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. It's weird how he has that ability to spin everything in that manner and makes me thankful to not be married to that anymore. This similar dynamic existed in the marriage, but it was so subtle. In time, the gas lighting, put downs, weird spins on my feelings, all took its toll. With all this distance, I see it now and I thank god I'm out of it!

Anyway, I'm rambling a bit. Just wanted to come in here and share a bit and also send you all the very best during this busy holiday season.

Be well.