Act Now or Cry Later

[HaWho]

Ownit - I think your h communicates through those videos as my h does through music. And I enjoy your updates as well.

Gordie - I agree that other person makes a big difference in our scenarios as does divorce. Remember: my h tried (desperately) to do what your wife has done. He really wanted OW. (It was quite pathetic to watch and I lost a ton of respect for him.) As I told him in no uncertain terms this would lead me to d him, either it scared him or it caused him to bury his relationship with OW. And I would not at all be surprised if he did not in fact have affairs of the very brief kind. I have not snooped for this but if it becomes apparent this may be the deal breaker for me. This would mean he has been lying for quite some time where others are open about this. And as he was always quite honest, this would be in line with his new polar opposite self. He has become quite sneaky where once he was an open book.

Gordie - the other difference is he's never once wanted d or threatened it. He wanted an open marriage. (Yuck!) Had he left I think he would have worked his issues out on OW rather than me. I think this would have spared me a lot of his dysfunction. And if we were d, I definitely would embrace life as such and not still act married. By this I mean we would divide and conquer, not that I'd be running around dating.

So yes, our situations are definitely different. Yours is harder. When I have been at crossroads and struggled to make decisions, I think of a few things: 1) what would I tell my kids to do if they were in my situation? 2) What if my kids knew this whole story and someday asked me about why I made the choices I made and 3) How would I answer to God on this?

One last thing. I made a BIG error in tipping my hand that I am very pro-marriage. In doing so I made my h super comfy. KML warned me not to do this. And she was right. (She is Catholic, too.) Somehow between us we carved out this limbo life. Don't let your wife believe for 1 second that you'll be there forever...