Gordie #14: the end of my M to MLC W, I think

[Gordie]

Ownit and HaWho,

Thank you. I weigh your comments heavily because of your own experiences. Your words are sobering. In my heart, I am still hoping for the best, however unrealistic or out of reach it seems.

I’ve also been re reading some of sandi2’s comments and she talked about how she went through a phase like my stbx is doing to me now. Acting all friendly and not running wild but still not in her heart taking responsibility for what she had done and not yet ready to recommit.

Here’s the truth: I have no idea what I should be doing right now. None. Sometimes I say to myself, get out of here! Other times, I say I am stronger than this and I can wait it out.

And yes, she may NEVER sign. And then where does that leave me?

I called about an apartment I want and it’s not available until the new year so I decided to hold off on making a decision. Christmas is next week and logistically can’t move this week, as Andrew pointed out previously.

So I guess I’m still turning things over in my heart and in my head and trying not to make any emotion or fear driven decisions.

***

Journaling

Stbx’s actions since our big argument:

No evenings or overnights away from home

No mention of OM2 and screensaver changed

Re engaged with disciplining the kids

Has tried to talk to me more and initiate non sexual touch

Joined the family at church for the first time in many months

No R talks

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For those who celebrate: Merry Christmas! Trying really hard to remember all of the reasons we celebrate.