No wonder you feel down. You are making your choices look quite bleak and black and white. Why is moving into a place you can afford and have a nice life giving up on your H? Does he only matter f you can maintain your current standard of living?
What if he came back to your small condo? Would you turn him away? Would it prevent you from selling and finding something you both like or getting s second condo in a warmer clime?
Why the either or? My two best friends are divorce lawyers. One shared a story of a 70-something woman. Her H went nuts and took off with a younger woman. My friend was seriously worried about this woman. Within a couple months one of her kids hooked up with an old classmate online. Within a year she was remarried and happier than ever. Apparently H1 was a real SOB and this woman was quite needy.
You let go of him coming back for two reasons. The first is that you can’t really live a life as if he is never coming back if you are constantly looking over your shoulder and afraid to do anything different or meet anyone new. You also do it so he realizes that you are not standing by on idle waiting for him to come back and the fear of that loss helps him move faster if he is going to.
I do certain things that look like I’m standing, though I don’t believe I am. I haven’t filed for divorce. Lawyer says not to in my case and this is his mess and he gets to man up and clean it up. I don’t do anything to embarrass him. I don’t post sad weepy crap or messages to him on FB, I don’t trick him into thinking I’m seeing someone, I answer when he contacts me, I try to be polite and civil at all times, I just mailed off the kid pics. But, I do these things as much or more for myself as I do for him.
No one thinks you are a sap because you are cycling six months in. No one thinks you should do anything you aren’t ready to do. You don’t have to decide the fate or your marriage now.
What you do need to do is ease your own pain, live your own life, find happiness and joy. Be the person you would have been without him.
You aren’t too old. Whether it’s this man or another, your last chspter isn’t written. Don’t live like the undead waiting for his return.
