I am 6 months from BD and 2.5 months from H moving out of our home. It's by far, the most difficult time I have ever endured in my life. And it's so far from over.
Keeping our house is going to be financially difficult going forward. It's a very nice house in a nice neighborhood. I am proud of it. H always wanted bigger and better in most things so I suspect he thinks our house is just ok. He's nuts though.
Unless I get a great paying job, or unless I get a roommate, then I will have to move. I would buy an apt or condo outright with no mortgage and then my pension money would be enough for a decent life. Enough for a trip or two each year, and enough for the most part to do the things I enjoy. Only problem is I gag at my options - small apartments or condos is all I could afford and it's an incredible step down from what I'm used to.
I would find a way to keep the house if I was sure of Standing and sure that I wouldn't go insane over the time it would take to get through this hell. Despite all rotten things H has done, and the incredible pain and misery his MLC has caused me in just a few months, I still think he is worth Standing for. That's how good I believed our connection was and maybe still is in some obscure way.
What's hanging me up about Standing is the complete uncertainty of where this will end up - with my H or without my H - when it's all done.
I've read many things about the reconciliation part of MLC. Most recently read that reconciliations are rare, although I have also read that most MLCers eventually want to come home. Also read that how the spouse handles the later stages of MLC with their spouse determines whether reconciliation is possible.
So what is the truth, generally? Do most come home or is it rare. Before you all jump over me and say,,, never mind about that,,, just GAL etc, it's not that simple.
If I am going to GAL without looking back and with no intention of reconciliation, then I will make very different decisions going forward than I would if I continue to Stand.
Right now, I want to Stand, but H has given me reason to believe at times there is no hope. The sex life - he's now got a huge appetite and likes the depraved side of sex. I can never go for that - just not me at all. Maybe this will subside as MLC winds down but who knows. But this huge incompatibility, if it continues after MLC, is one I don't think we can survive. He's had a taste of living out his sexual fantasies (with OW) and I wonder if that genie can ever be put back in the bottle.
Other than that, I think there would be hope. As you can see I'm very confused on which way to go - stand for an uncertain future or walk away and save myself. The first option means I keep the house and continue to be financially stressed. The second option means I sell the house and get my own small apt that I will have a heck of a time adjusting to. It also means giving up on H and it kills me to contemplate that but he has hurt me very badly.
Just reading that reconciliations are rare has me questioning the wisdom of Standing. I'm old (65) and if I am starting all over from scratch then I need to start now and not when I have almost both feet in the grave. I don't want to live the rest of my life alone and lonely. I still have a chance to find love again but how do I fully let go of H to do that?
Just so confused, I am.
Last edited by job; 12/18/1706:08 AM. Reason: added link to previous thread
