Hi Exquisite, I'm sorry to read your post above & hope you'll be feeling brighter soon. I think Ginger posted a worthwhile question about why him being in touch in that way got under your skin so much? Perhaps this may be worthwhile to explore and perhaps also explore what you may need to further release him and the situation.

For me (and we don't have kids together, which is a big difference) it has helped me to see he and I as living entirely separate lives now. I keep in touch with my stepson, but have nothing at all to do with XH. What he did was pretty awful, but I have got to a point where I can see that was up to him and really he was trying to do things for himself, not 'to me.' Although I was unfortunately in the crossfire big time - as were so many here.

From what you post above it sounds as though you still feel upset and angry because of his choices - I understand that and forgiveness isn't easy. I have seen it described here as like peeling an onion, you get a little bit further along the forgiveness path as time goes on hopefully. But we forgive because it releases us from being bound to a bad situation by our own feelings of anger.

I also realised that whatever XH may have done, the state of my life now and how I feel now - these are all up to me - I am responsible for them. And that has nothing to do with him in the least - it's all on me - so I try to keep myself in a good place and give myself what I need. I do ruminate sometimes about the situation, but I also try and release it and I practice thinking of XH with peace (rather than bitterness) in my heart - it's a work in progress for sure and sometimes I manage it better than others.

A friend recently shared a lovely article with me about the three loves that we need in our lives: Love for ourselves (self-compassion and self-esteem), love for others (our friends, family, pets, colleagues - possibly a SO but optional...) and doing activities we love, that bring us a sense of flow and joy. I have thought about that article many times since - and I would add gratitude to these as an important aspect. What am I thankful for, following my XH's MLC?

Anyway, I hope there may be something of help to you in this posting. Also, I would encourage you to reach out for help and support if you are feeling low.

Best wishes to you and I hope you feel better soon xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus