What do you do for you? Do you take some time to nurture a hobby of your own? Do you spend time with friends?
Who are YOU?
You put so much of your worth based upon your ex still. But YOU are YOU regardless of him.
If you were writing a profile about yourself, what would your hobbies include? When was the last time you could say you had FUN. Where did you go the last time you hung out with your friends?
You put so much weight into everything he does. Have you examined why it gets under your skin so much that he was asking son if the roads are ok?
Do you see an IC?
We are on a similar timeline, although a different situation. I feel as if I might be having an MLC sometimes myself. I am very over my ex. But lately I am surely frustrated about the consequences his actions have had on my life, even 10 years later. I am pissed as heck that I have to share holidays. I am pissed as heck that I cannot get up and move. I want to move so badly with our daughter. To a place that is affordable and we can start over. I hate that I never had another kid. Remarriage never happened even though I was so young, because I was keeping life together for me and my D. She was my focus, my job I loved within my career was not compatible with single motherhood and I kept having to make changes. In 10 years I haven't had an R that lasted more than 6 months mostly due to my situation. I get piddles for child support, he pays what he is obligated towards, but down to the penny. I have pretty much no family and do all this on my own.
I have been so down lately sometimes myself I wished I were dead. Seriously. But I look to my daughter who needs me so much. I look at the absolutely amazing little lady she is becoming (she is 10) and how much joy she brings to everyone around her and to me, I couldn't imagine not being here for her. My own mom killed herself. It certainly is hell to live with. My daughter, in herself is worth living and worth moving forward every day, even if my heart has a very painful void.
My ex husband never thanked me once for all I do for our daughter. And I do it all. He takes her on his weekends and one night a week, takes her to family parties, ect. but has no idea how she is doing in school(she is an honor role student). never asks, never asks if he could help with anything. He simply has no interest beyond being a weekend parent. Once in elementary school, he was going to pick her up and the school called me because they never ever hear about him and wanted to make sure it was ok. My daughter is who she is because of me, and I take huge pride in that. One day, maybe he will thank me.
Sorry I speak of myself so much. But I just think I can relate on a level. I feel your pain, because I was there. I spent so much time being so angry with my ex that every comment or every move he would make would send me into a deep anger. I was only hurting myself at that time.
If you were to read my thread in the divorced portion of this forum, I am struggling big time myself. I struggle with lonliness and isolation. I have had a very rough year where I had a short yet very significant relationship with a guy and when we broke up I sunk into a huge depression. I joined a rec volleyball league to drag myself out. I am an active person. I was beginning to feel like myself again, when I had an injury in a game that took me out of all activities, I had to have surgery and the recovery has been long and brutal. And I have gotten way depressed again. My IC always credits me to being so proactive with taking myself out of a depression but this year has been difficult for me to do that.
But I did graduate with an advanced degree. That was pretty awesome!
Now that I have been so long-winded, and I know my posts might piss you off sometimes, but I can't begin to explain how I was exactly where you were. Everyone's posts to my caliber used to get under my skin a little. But now, I couldn't thank them enough for pushing me forward.
I do get you. More than you'll know. Which is my I am going to push you a bit. Feel free to tell me to back off.
Do you see an IC? Mine has been a lifesaver. She's like the mom I never had.
Try to go back to YOU. Not how your ex affects this and that, but what you can do for you that doesn't involve the thoughts of him, what he did, ect. Just be a single mom in your mind and think about what you would be if he was never in the picture. What you would do for yourself.
