1. Am I doing GAL "right" or is this too much? Last night she went out... stayed "at work" (probably went to OM house in afternoon/early evening) and then went out with a friend. Said she'd be home by 7-8... Was after 10pm I said nothing... just did you have a good time with X? and how is she?
Today She knew I was going to be gone from Mid morning to late afternoon... "Out". I had several things to accomplish and a meeting to go to... that ran long... said I'd be back a x time... it was about 1.5 hrs. later... I texted her when I was on way home at that time... I got home and she was angry that they wanted to make something that required eggs and it was later than they needed them... I didn't react... She also went off about how she spent the ENTIRE day with the kids doing stuff for/with them and now after dinner (which we did out as a family :); and she again failed to really interact with me or respond... which I again ignored and reacted with a smile and happy) she was going to spend the evening running D13 around doing errands... (In retrospect I guess I could have Validated her feelings with her vs. what I actually did below... and then offered to compromise somehow). I offered to take some of the errands tonight or to that we/I could do some tomorrow... She didn't look at me or even acknowledge I was there... So I said, OK... and walked away. I have been smiling at her and somewhat upbeat acting "As If"
2. ALSO, I GAL sometimes 2-4 x/week and often 3-4 times/week. sometimes its going out a couple of weeknights after the kids are taken care of (shuttled where they need to be) other times it may be a couple times on weekend)... and could be almost the entire day on a weekend day like it was today... is this TOO MUCH GAL? or am I doing it wrong? Not so concerned with her response (Realizing she'll find fault with me no matter what I do... and realizing this is oddly freeing because it makes me feel better about sticking with a course of action for the next 6-8 weeks while we still share the same house.
3. She has said to me that she is resentful of how much free time I have when she works her A$$ off... and can't even sit down to read a book (she's exaggerating as she stays at work until ~6pm most nights and THEN has Happy hour, or works out, etc.). We don't typically see her until 8 or 8:45pm most nights at the earliest. I typically have dinner ready (so we can eat as a family when possible), keep the house clean/dishes etc. keep up with most of her and my laundry etc. (I'm the one who's career was sacrificed multiple times to support hers... and I didn't hold my end of the bargain up well/at all in terms of supporting her before the BD and my realization of the damage all of this did. Since then I've been consistent with this... not for her (although it does benefit her), but because it is the right thing for the family, and has made me better in terms of managing things around the house regardless of the relationship (Know this is "beta" behavior, but taking decisive action and being resolved to this feels somewhat "Alpha" (i.e. stepping up to the plate and caring for your family). Same with my interactions with the kids where I now take a much more active interest in them and work with them to ensure they have things done/ready for school and are fed, etc. as well as following the family rules. I have Validated her feelings on this saying I'm truly sorry she feels this way and I had little idea that she felt this strongly about it... and how if I could change things in the past I would in a heartbeat... Then how, although we only have a little time left. I'd truly like the remaining time we have together to be fundamentally different than the past... and for her to really think about how I can support her better to allow her to have regular free time each night to do things she'd like to relax, take a bath, etc.
She has said at various times, no, that's ok... or said nothing in response... (Feels like this is one I can/should keep bringing up and looking for ways to help her have this experience... knowing it changes nothing and outcome is D regardless... but feels like the kind loving thing to do...
Thoughts?
Me 47 STBXW 44 M ~20 D13 S15 BD mid 17 A Disc. 2 months after BD but evidence found ~2yr OM decade older S Imminent D Soon after
