Separation imminent (cont.)

[Hermes]

H,

DonH is right. Be prepared to tell the truth. Thats your resolve. You let your W know you won't lie and you are not using her script, because guess what its HER script, not yours and not y'alls. You tell her she can say what she wants but you are sticking to the truth. You dont have to have a discussion after that. The other thing is, this sit down is her doing, not y'alls.

Stop reacting to everything she does and says. You actions should be non reactive and even. No matter what she says or does you are the same.

Again not sure A coming out now would be good for me... figure it's likely to come out at some point no matter what any of us do...

Also agree that this IS her doing and not mine.. and that I need to stop being reactive... see previous post on a possible way forward...

I also think you are flooding yourself with information. You won't get all this information in, even in a year, so trying to do it in a few days or weeks will only confuse you. Take a step back. Work on one thing at a time. Time to get Sandi's 37 rules down first. Her rules help with detaching, GALing, 180s and validating. If you get a handle on those 37, you can worry about the NGS.

Think you are right... although there are a couple of nuggets from No more Mr. Nice guy that I may incorporate (re: boundaries).
Agree about flooding myself with info... As I'm off work right now I've got ALOT of free time on my hands and I've been pouring myself into books etc... and you are right... It's hard to keep the existing stuff in the forefront of my mind when I keep piling new stuff on top... need to slow down...

The best thing you can do now is focus on detaching with love and GALing. Work on these first and tell us how they are going. You can't do them for a week and then look for signs and if you dont get signs stop. These are life changes and not situational changes.

Its time to start these life changes for yourself and not your W or M.

I have a few questions about these and will post shortly.... but agree that I need to focus on consistency, balance, GAL, detaching with love.