Through this questioning I see someone who is thinking about staying in the status quo. I guess I question how that will work. That will look to her like you are safely where you are supposed to be (not pushing divorce, not moving out) and she will feel safer to go back to the thrill of the OM.
I think I'm uniquely qualified to tell you this. I do not believe she will ever sign the divorce papers. My H is passive aggressive and has never been much of a talker, so I don't hear him voice the confusion and uncertainty, but his actions speak volumes. I think he is very content with the status quo because he feels like we are on the shelf, life isn't too scary, and he can do what he wants. I have been too accommodating in allowing him to feel this and it is about to get very real for him in a very big way within the next 3 weeks.
Only you can decide what you do. Don't make fear-based decisions. Respond, do not react. Don't do things because you feel pressure from ANYONE to do them.
Just be 100% honest with yourself about where you are right now and how you feel about it. If you can find a way to live with it, do, because sometimes nothing is the best choice.
When the time is right, you will know it definitively.
If you do nothing else, keep this power you have taken back. Don't give it to her again. She respects the Gordie who stands up for himself. Ultimately you need her to respect you, but more importantly you need to respect yourself.
