Working through recon. Life is full of mountains

[joejoe1]

Nrthman and Jeffery,

You both are right I need to let the summer go. My W has told me all I needed to know. I know she had an A. Don't need too much more than that.

Update 2,

W and I talked last night. I explained to her how I felt. I explained that I'm afraid of the future with her. I told her that the uncertainty is killing me.

She told me she wasn't going anywhere, she said it three times sternly. She grabbed and said she will be right here.

She told me that I was being unfair to her because me being uncertain is one of the reason she wanted to leave in the first place and she is trying hard. She wants certaininly like I want certainty.

I asked her again if she loved me more than the OM(she has told me this many of times, ibdont know why I keep asking). She expalined to me again she never loved him, but she was so mad at me and hated me so much, that she wanted to make herself love him. She told she wanted to love him but she couldn't, because of her love for me. She told me she understand she knows I constantly needs to hear assurance from her.

She told me if I felt I couldn't forgive her and let go of her A, let her know.

After that I needed time. I went in a room by myself. I had to really think through that comment. I prayed and asked for guidance.

She came to me and ask to pray for me. She did. I told her I need loyalty. She said we need love and patience with each other, that this process will take some time. I told her also need respect. She said she need all those things as well.

It ended with me feeling a lot better and her as well.

The mountians we have to climb in life.

Recon is hard as hell. Its no easier than trying to get them to come back.

Hard work ahead. Onward and forward.