Gordie #14: the end of my M to MLC W, I think

[Gordie]

Team Gordie! You guys are the best. As y'all know, this is a lonely road, but I feel like I have such a great support group in all of you.

Job: to clarify, she filed on me this spring...but then hasn't followed through...and now won't sign the papers. Confusing and messy? Absolutely. Re talking in a quiet and calm place...maybe, but have tried that in the past but hasn't worked...but haven't tried in a while, so maybe worth another try?

Sjohn6/SBJ: an inspiration? Heck, I feel like I'm floundering, but glad I can be an inspiration to someone...I know I have gotten so much of that inspiration from all of you guys--especially you SBJ--so glad I can return the favor.

Bttrfly/Sotto: chastity belt? My goodness, do you know how sexually frustrated I am? Ha, ha, ha...yeah, I know it was just a joke...and it brought a smile to my face...thank you, ladies!

Roist/ciluzen/leahsue: thank you...didn't think about putting a lock on the door, but the little kids often come to my room for comfort in the night, so will probably pass on that idea, but I get your point. Trying to unlock the cake shop? You bet she's trying, but no, it's closed for business.

***

Journaling:

So since our big blow up, not much has happened. I do not initiate contact with her and she continues to initiate contact with me. I have made myself scarce and generally unavailable. When I do see her, I am friendly like a neighbor. I do not touch her, but she increasingly tries to touch me. She did not go out this week at all in the evening and no overnights. No idea what this means re her R with OM2, but it is a change.

I had a follow-up call with my DB coach to ask for advice to see what I should do from here, so here are some of my notes that I hope can help others in similar situations. Of course, I shared with the coach more details than I can write here, but hopefully you can still follow along:

Coach: It's been almost three months of LRT. Are things getting better, worse, or the same?

G: Well, over the past three months, she has spent more time with OM2 than ever before. However, she has gone from screen saver enthusiast, introducing the kids, and planning their wedding to refusing to sign the D papers. In the past two weeks, she has given me the "I don't know what I want" and "I'm sorry for everything" and "I do love you" and "sleep with me."

Coach: What happened when you were angry with her and screaming at each other? Did it make things better, worse, or the same?

G: She said she wished I had expressed myself earlier. I was so detached she didn't think I cared. She wanted to have sex with me. Make up sex has always important to her, but I rejected her. What do I do with all of her questions about us being sexually incompatible?

Coach: You know she was attracted to your passion? Your anger and emotion was sexually attractive to her. Make up sex is great because your emotions are in over drive. And the fact that you rejected her only made you more desirable.

I think you can answer her directly/succinctly and tell her what you told me, that you also wonder if you are sexually compatible. Tell her, yes, our sex life would have to be very different; there would have to be a lot of changes. End it there. Don't get into specifics.

Q. Do you think I should stay in the house or move out? L said it is okay for me to move out.

Coach: Only you can answer that. Don't make any emotional decisions. If you are unsure and want to say something, you can say "I don't know how much longer I can live with you like this."

What did you tell her when she asked if you guys could work things out?

G: I said I won't be plan b. I want to be in a R with a woman who "forsakes all others"...for whom I am the only choice. Yes, I do think we could work things out if we both wanted that, but it would take a lot of work.

So do you think I should be changing tactics at this stage?

Coach: No, it sounds like what you are doing is making things better, so you should keep doing that.