25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks Leahsue

weird news from my L today. The bad parts are that h listed his Alaskan address before getting there, before I knew, so it should not amaze me but it makes me think even less of him.

And far more painfully, is that h has been taking schmoopie and her d on all sorts of trips (NOT spending a cent on our own children), including trips to his dad's ranch so that means my kids grandparents know SOME of this. They cannot believe h's lies so much that not seeing their ONLY grand daughters (real ones, I mean) makes sense with his narrative?

WHILE supposedly paying Schmoopie rent of $2300 for a place that absolutely does not justify it. Would love to see the lease terms. So yeah, more lies and lies under oath...

If he's living off the same pension I am, he's lying again. He was able to get a big personal loan but I can't, yet supposedly we have the same income.

How does HE get it -- oh wait, unless he's working...oh yeah. Or someone co-signed.

But what hurt the most of course is that he's taking someone else's child to see my kids grandparents, and fun sunny trips, and not even seeing our children.


OTOH

The Karma news is that

1) h had no idea "Shocked" to learn that if he works again (as if he ever stopped) I get part of it.

So he did not understand the meaning of the upcoming hearing. Like if he was found not to owe me spousal support because he "retired" but THEN BEGINS working, I get PART OF IT. How could he not know this? Thought he'd just borrow and fake retirement only to learn that I will go after money he earns or can earn, was a plan he must have come up with - without a lawyer of worth.


His L told mine that he (the L) was "dumbfounded" that H did not realize the whole point of this hearing on Ground Hog Day is that if h really CAN or really IS working at $$ amount of income, I get alimony for the next 5 years.

So his spending almost a year's worth of spousal support to avoid paying me for the 5 years anyhow, (which I believe is likely) when he planned to work again the whole time
is foolish.

If I "lose" and h is determined to be honestly retired, he CANNOT work again and not pay me...get it? He's cutting his nose off to spite his face. But did not know this! What???

how do I not blurt this [censored] out to my kids?

OKAY I know how, I know, it's about their having fun and feeling loved and it's NOT about another betrayal of his or how much pain their mom is in.

It's about my health, physically and emotionally and getting my life together etc


Finally, KARMA

I am embarrassed to admit I enjoyed hearing this from my lawyer, but it's a piece of KARMA

so h has been taking trips (far away from where any of his fan base might be) to a place that specializes in new ED treatments...

hmmm, it was only an occasional problem for us

My new bf M, while we are taking things slowly, let's just say I know enough to know M has no such problem yet.

MIND YOU **I don't begrudge guys running into this -it's a normal aging thing just as we women run into menopause and have to deal with it and have to get treated for it.
And there are treatments.


I get that! But to know it has happened to h within a year of him finding the 'Love of his life" without that history with me, yeah, it gave me a little bit of a lift.

Sorry universe, I wish I felt more compassion for him or indifference and I think I am getting there. I THINK I'm feeling like at least I won't miss the great sex I had with h b/c guess what? That's gone anyhow...and he went really far away for the treatment...

I'd never ever have made him do that.

Coupling the reality that the money he's spending on OTHER people and their kid, instead of our own family or just paying me, hurts like he11,

with the fact that he's having ED problems (and the fortune he's spending on that)

AND his not knowing that when/if he openly works he has to pay me money

all seemed to mesh into a weird BAD PLAN of his. but maybe a better plan for me...we countered today with a number that is reasonable BUT high and goes to his age of 67, so a number lower is how it'll work out. I said I would not take less than X while my brother was on the phone, with my L.


H's BAD plan - b/c he has done some bad bad things to me and to our children,

and I know the only way he can emerge from this fiasco of hurting the 4 people who loved him the most

a fiasco HE created,

and then emerge unscathed means he is be someone with a darkness in him that I want no part of. Really, the ego wants an awakening in him and my heart prays he restores some sort of R with the kids...

but this guy I'm reading about on the credit card bills and hearing about his behavior and seeing what he writes makes me think he's just nuts. No, I mean that. WTF?


So back to East Coast 25....New healed mama my kids do not have to worry about

gotta not care about h's own mess. What a selfish idiot who has deluded himself into lunacy.

Okay, I gotta calm down before my kids get here. Nothing to say to them about it, right?

I mean, I don't want to cover for him and maybe the kids have seen the photos of their family trips on FB

and are protecting ME!! Ugh.

I have to be more like that for them.

When I imagine them knowing all this (except the ED part) and protecting ME

then It helps me to STFU and not blurt out. Why would I? to get them to hate him more which is so harmful to them.

Yeah glad i'm writing this out...

And honestly, my guess is that h did not expect a lot of these consequences. Historically when h's plans fail or don't work out, he blames. I think his malignant entitlement was so deeply engrained and I was so blind to it, that whatever he wanted he grabbed for.

And then oops, people he "cared about" (I can't tell what he really feels so I won't guess but I THINK he loved/loves our kids)

are not part of his life anymore...

These days I assume he Just fumes and hates me, but I have no control over that. And I'm not sure who he blames for his ED problems, b/c we ML the morning he left...

FINALLY

So everyone - as the holidays approach let us recall that many D Days happen at this time,

so let's reach out in our thoughts & hearts to those who are getting their D Days this holiday (a lot do) b/c of OP's pressure for gifts or commitments, leave the wife/h, etc

and let's be grateful to know the valuable things we have learned from this ordeal.
And for leading authentic lives.