Separation imminent (cont.)

[DonH]

She is saying you are inconsistent and all over the place... Because you are! You are saying so yourself. You are being reactive rather than proactive. You start out on a course but if she does something, anything, you change direction. She says she does not know where you are so you immediately cow tow to her. In other words she says jump and you say "how high?" You must stop this if you'll have any chance.

Look, we all know how hard all of this is. It makes so little sense when you are in the thick of it but total sense when you step back or after you see it work. You know what to do, now do it WITH CONFIDENCE and stick with it.

As for this nonsense of her dictating how you will tell the kids and family, what you will say and how you will say it - NONSENSE. The truth is nearly always the best way. That doesn't mean every detail. However it does mean if something is hot you don't say it's cold. Her wanting to not tell the kids she wants the divorce and you don't is not best for anyone BUT HER!!! That's all that is about. There are many stories on the boards about this including kids hating a dad like you only because they did not know the truth. They then find out the real truth many years later and feel terribly for blaming the wrong person due to wrong information. Your kids are old enough for basic truths - starting with, "we disagree about getting D but I will not stand in moms way". That is simply the truth. I would not bring up OM but if asked, I would not cover either. If your kids ask if either of you are seeing someone else, see my comment above - TELL THE TRUTH. Perhaps better yet, just don't lie! Stating or even sitting next to W while she states "we both want a D" is a lie. DONT LIE TO YOUR KIDS, PATENTS OR FRIENDS. That's just a basic rule of life.

For some reason you have not gotten a lot of feedback, which is why I'm giving my two cents. I really hope others, including some of the rock star vets here will chime in.