Up coming GAL is volunteering to teach chess at the local library, joining a running club, and book club.
That's great!
How are you coming on reading the links in Cadet's homework? I am going to post a copy about detaching that I really like.
So, about your questions regarding Christmas. WW's usually want to carry on with tradition, as if nothing has changed. You said you didn't know if you liked her suggestion about the gifts to the kids. But, you didn't say what your objections are. As for attending the celebrations at your in-laws, that is up to you. If there is no separation and nobody really knows anything is going on.......it would probably just make you look like the bad guy by not attending. I don't give this same advice in all cases. I just get this feeling about yours that you need to use this opportunity to show your best side......as if it's your last chance.
My suggestion for how you should act throughout the holidays is to....... shine like a star. Put on your best face and enjoy your family. Put all this stuff behind you and act as if you are fine with the world. Be cooperative as best that you possibly can. If you examine everything she says and does......you will find a flaw. So, just place it on the back burner for now, okay? Your objective is to not put pressure on her. I mean, you don't have to shield her from everything.......but any pressure she feels should not be coming from you.
Don't smother her with your presence or communication. Follow her lead for the next two-three weeks. If she is warm and talkative, then mirror it back to her. You can do this for the rest of the month, can't you? Just keep your senses about yourself and don't start thinking this is some kind of "sign" that she's reaching out.
Let me ask you, when she's cold or acting b'tchy, have you ever tried to put your arm around her and ask her what's bothering her? Just wondering. If that doesn't work to open her up......then just stay the heck away from her. I don't mean you have to act like a doormat to her mood swings. Sometimes, women have to be called out about their bad behavior.........even if they are in a bad mood. Since your grown daughter told you to stop letting mom b'tch at you, I get the impression you haven't called her out very often. Here's the thing, most women can control their behavior....even if they are experiencing bad moods.
If your W does not pursue D by the first of the year, then I wouldn't worry too much about her running and filing. I get the impression that she threatens D as some type of leverage. One reason I say this is b/c when she threatens D, it's a reaction to some really silly things. I don't know how you react when she threatens D, but she seems to use it like a tool on you. So, how serious she really is..........who knows? She has not given you a sound reason for getting a D. And, that is usually indicative of an A.......but it is not an absolute.
How well does she take care of herself? Does she see her gynecologist regularly? Has she had an hysterectomy, and if so, does she take any HRT?
Do you notice that her mood swings seem worse than they were in the past?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
