Monday: I was exercising on the side of the house and my W called out whether the eggplant parmigiana was for dinner. I told her yes. I also told her I invited our neighbors for dinner. Later she told me she was going to jijitsu because she was getting fat and missed exercising last Thursday (because she decided to go to a wine event instead). She did make us a nice salad. I had a nice dinner with my neighbors and daughters.
Tuesday: Did crossfit after work. After crossfit my W spent all the night doing her work. I read a book, did some chores, put up the Christmas lights on the house, and relaxed.
Wednesday: My W woke up at 5:25am and left early. She must go through MBR to enter the bathroom. I have no idea what she was doing since she starts work at 8:30am. At night, my W cooked for us. After dinner she was at the table and so was I. Both on computers doing some work. She then got up and said under her breath to me that she was to meet her GF about something. She was gone from 7:30pm to 8:30pm. At about 9pm, I went into the hot tub with D11 to see the meteor shower. We counted over 20 shooting stars. My W later joined us in the hot tub, and D15 and D17 came outside too but didn't come in the hot tub. My W got into the tub naked to the chagrin of D11, but this is not unusual for W who is very relaxed with nakedness.
Thursday: My W and I had appointment with therapist for D15 who has severe anxiety issues. I meet my W at the therapists at noon and we had a good discussion. Essentially D15 is shy, does have anxiety, but nothing to super concerned about. The reason D15 went to the therapist was she said something to my W about getting angry when in groups. I thought my W blew it out of proportion. After our meeting we went to a cafe for lunch. We discussed our children and then some friends. I can sense anger in my W's voice when I disagree with something about D15. Also, since we know each other so well there's always undercurrents in our conversation.
me: I think our daughters really need structure, whenever there's deviation they do have anxiety about it. W: Not D15, that's only D11 that gets bent out of shape about schedule.
In hindsight, I know I was communicating to my W the message of "see what divorce will do to our children ..." and my W picked up on it and hence the anger.
Another example was my W discussing a friend who recently got married to a women who refuses to go out in public with him. The women got pregnant soon after the marriage. My W suggested maybe she was like a surrogate and they had a contract because our friend wants a child. I said, "a marriage is a contract" why do they need another? She got mad at that too.
She had to make a business call so I said goodbye got up and left. She left 25 feet behind me, I noticed and waited for her. She came over and hugged me goodbye, which I returned.
I plan on going out alone tonight to Tango dance lessons.
I don't intentionally try to trigger my W and I'm not overly concerned about these little things that came up. I have been thinking about my MR and I see myself giving her the option of either working on the MR or divorce. I can't stay with this in-between limbo much longer. I may, after Christmas, talk to her about our MR and discuss these options because Retrovaille is on Jan 18th. I'll reassess things later and decide. I suspect she will agree to go, reluctantly. I will tell her she should only go if she does the exercises and approaches it with an open mind. She will agree, but when we do it she may (most likely?) just go through the motions. I'm very pessimistic at this point.
